I’ve had enough of winter; I’ve certainly had enough of snow
and wild wet days.
I long for sunshine, for daffodils and bluebells in the
garden, splashes of colour to brighten my world.
Now I know it’s still early in the year but only a few weeks
ago there was a tantalising promise that spring was on its way, buds were
forming, hardy varieties of flowers unfurled in anticipation.
Then it snowed again. Oh not much and all gone by tea time
but enough in the mornings to get me flustered and panicky.
I feel ready to move on and make changes and snow in particular
makes me feel trapped and slows down my plans!
My blue painted fingernails tap out an impatient rhythm even
now in between my typing. Despite coming up with a
three year plan of staying put I want to know what happens next in my story.
A chance meeting and conversation with our vicar only churned
up my thoughts further as we discussed what God’s plans for me might look like.
I foolishly worry there is no overlap at all and that God is going to send me
where I don’t want to go!
As I drove home past the sea it was rough and wild, a high
tide churning, swirling, agitating, a metaphor for the way I was feeling.
By Friday morning the storms had died down and I decided to
take a walk on the beach to clear my thoughts.
Crunching on the pebbles and splashing on the wet smooth
sand I walked, I cried, I pondered, hoping all the while to find a definitive
answer written in the sand or maybe a cloud shaped like a giant arrow pointing
the direction I should take.
Actually all I found was this
I loaded my pockets with seaglass and broken pottery. Once
these things were whole and useful, now they are shattered and seemingly
worthless.
But the sea has taken them and tumbled them, smoothing the
raw edges to create something beautiful.
I’ve no idea what I will really “do” with it all, especially
as I already have a huge collection, but to me it is still treasure.
I like to think that God picks up the broken pieces he sees
and collects them in his pocket.
The people who are broken, smashed, feeling just a little
out of sorts because let’s face it that’s where I am at the moment. I’m not
depressed, I’m no longer in the deepest part of my grief, I’m just a little
blue, wondering and pondering what my next steps might be and sometimes getting
a little bit anxious.
Often my thoughts run ahead of themselves and maybe I
need to snow to slow me down, I need the rainy days to make my stop and think.
But here are some positive things I have done to move
forward this week.
- I have seen my kitchen
plans and they are good
- I have bought two new
tyres for my car
- I've changed the desktop picture on my laptop to my treasure picture above, instead of our last family photo
- I have changed my
relationship status on Facebook from Widowed to BLANK
Next week the forecast remains unsettled with more chance of
snow but spring will come soon – won’t it?
