A Guide to Dating for the Clueless
Derek believed his talents were wasted as a postman; he
would have made an excellent detective.
Birthday cards, bills and bank statements all passed through
his hands, clues to the lives lived behind the letterboxes.
Crystal at number 26 was a popular girl usually receiving lots
of letters but her post box was distinctly empty on Valentine’s Day.
To investigate he followed her discretely to the bus stop
watching her cry for a bit before approaching.
She declined the screwed up handkerchief he offered but
smiled so politely he took a chance and asked her on a date.
He was sure he hadn’t accidently spat on her, it was a mild
affliction he suffered with, although he remembered salivating when she accepted.
The local cinema was showing his favourite film, Psycho. When
she said she’d never seen this classic he took this as a cue to educate her and
waxed lyrically about the beautifully portrayed mother son relationship.
He couldn’t comprehend why she hid her face behind her
manicured fingers for so much of the film. She completely missed all the best
bits.
When the film finished he insisted on driving her home, a
gentlemanly gesture saving her from catching the last bus home.
But she practically opened the car door before he even
stopped and he was a little perplexed why she shunned his advances for a
goodnight kiss.
He couldn’t quite figure out what had gone wrong with the
evening.
There must be some clue he had overlooked.
