Letter to the monster under the bed…

  I am just in time to link up with Ruth @ Learning (one day at a time) for another Letter to... 

This week We are writing to the monster under the bed...

Here's what I made of the prompt and as I wrote I discovered to my surprise that I am not quite as fearful as I once used to be...

You are a black smudge on my cream coloured bedroom carpet.

Did you think you’d escaped my notice completely?

Or do you quite like to be seen dancing your exotic eight legged quickstep?

I saw you out of the corner of my eye scurrying as fast as those long lean limbs could carry your bulbous body.

Now you are hiding under my bed.

I can’t see you but I know you are there, lurking amongst the dust and snotty dried up tissues that I’ve neglected to hoover. 

A place where both angels and us lesser mortals fear to tread!

You are the overdue tax bill I found the other day,

The falling down house next door,

The gathering leaves on the lawn.

You are the face in the mirror that wonders “why?”

The paperwork that’s piling up,

The rattling door handle that threatens to fall off,

You are a scary version of the future where I end up alone

The fear of not being a good enough parent

The dread of just getting it wrong

In reality you are a spider pure and simple. But there was a time not very long ago when I would have screamed and physically been unable to move. To actually sleep soundly in a bed with a spider beneath would have been practically impossible, but one by one I am facing my fears...

spiders, 

dogs, 

the death of a loved one

and the uncertainty that follows.

Curiously I struggled to make a list of things above that frighten me because I have grown stronger in the past three years. 

I know completely that God is ever present, even when I momentarily forget what I know to be true and the fears creep out for a merry little dance.

God has got this all figured out all I have to do is trust. He’s always there reaching out to hold my hand.

Today I have come to realise that most of the monsters under my bed are merely tissue shadows covered in dust and maybe it’s time to get the hoover out.

Sleeping Partners

Last night, as seems to happen more and more, I had another little body in my bed. 

The slightest hint of an upset and youngest son picks up his pillow and soft toys and lies down on his dad’s side of the bed.

It still is very much Andrew’s side and it’s rare I stretch out from my own cosy corner. 

 

We have a super king size bed, two single mattresses zipped together. So that’s one mattress each with a definitive dividing line down the middle.

At Christmas we stayed with my parents, so did my Nana. On Christmas night my brother and his 3 year old son slept over too.

Bed space was at a premium. I had already been given the guest room with double bed, en suite, mum’s laptop and newly acquired, especially for Christmas viewing, TV. No one was evicting me from my luxurious bolt hole!

Mum assured me I wouldn’t have to give up my bed but…

“I’m going to put Nana in with you.”

“OK” I said with a little trepidation.

Andrew and I always struggled with sharing this bed; it was so much smaller than the grand one at home. He would always take up at least two thirds leaving me clinging to the edge. There was no slight bump in the centre to let him know he had strayed onto my territory. We never slept well in it together – well at least I never did.

Now my nana is eighty four and often gets up several times in the night – so I never expected a restful sleep.

She retired before me and when I finally said goodnight my Mum asked me to check Nana had switched off the electric blanket.

I was so sleepy that by the time I had brushed my teeth, written my diary and got into bed I completely forgot.  That is until 3 a.m. when I suddenly woke up.

Nana was beside me lying still and quiet. I had no recollection of her waking at all – unusual – I thought.

Now at 3 a.m. all sorts of rubbish goes round your head mixed up with all the sensible stuff.

I suddenly remembered the electric blanket!

As far as I was aware Nana hadn’t moved all night.

I listened but couldn’t hear her breathing.

What if I’d over cooked my Nana???

Still more pressing was the need for a wee, after which I reasoned, with my 3 a.m. head on, I would be able to assess the situation rationally.

By the light of the en suite I checked the blanket was off.

Thankfully it was.   

Then Nana breathed and softly stirred in her sleep.

PHEW!

Another middle of the night crisis averted.

It may be lovely to have someone close at hand to snuggle next to and I very much enjoyed my cuddle this morning with youngest son but there are times when I am very glad I have a whole big bed to myself!