I have a plan!

Today I had a kitchen designer measuring up for my new kitchen. It’s all very exciting – I have never had a brand new kitchen before but always made do with what’s already there.

To Andrew our kitchen was functional so it was never high on his list of priorities for a makeover, unlike building a train room and a scalectrix room - just what every home needs!

Well we have lived here now for nearly 10 years and it’s time I got what I WANT for a change.

There’s been much deliberating since Andrew died about home improvements. At first I was all set to move. That was my great plan and I set the wheels in motion a mere six months after becoming a widow by putting the house on the market.

It all made perfect sense, the house was too big for three of us, the garden impossible to keep on top of and the location all wrong.

But then nothing happened.

We only had two potential buyers round in a year; the housing market has been incredibly depressed so for my own peace of mind I took the house off the market. Another bold, rash step? Maybe but I’ve been a bit more settled in the last few months.

I’ve planted fruit trees, had double glazing fitted and decorated my bedroom – which reminds me I never did show you a photo…

Bold, bright and luscious lime!

So does this mean I’m set to stay now? I was not entirely sure, still feeling a bit dithery about it all and this was only exacerbated the other day when I found a flyer in the letterbox from a local estate agent.

They have reputable buyers on their mailing lists and spring is a great time to sell.

It put me in another tizz – was this a sign I should put the house on the market again?

Now I wrote a post the other day called Doodling with Jesus, drawing in the dust seemed to work for him as a way to solve the problems at hand. So I metaphorically doodled (and daydreamed) and suddenly I realised I had come up with a plan.

It’s a three year sensible plan and it goes something like this…

I suspect now that I will never get to live in the town I long to call home, the town where the kids are at school, where we go to church, the place where most of my friends live. It will always be a seven minute drive away from us.

And that is OK because in just over 3 years’ time, oldest son will have finished his A levels and be off to follow his own new adventures. Youngest son will have just completed his GCSEs. In a lot of ways it will be a perfect time to move. Possibly not even a little move but a bigger one, maybe nearer my parents, I don’t really know and for now I can accept a little bit of uncertainty.

Because during the next three years, I can enjoy my new kitchen, reap the benefits of my new boiler and double glazing and I can one day eat the greengages from my own tree!

Obviously last time I came up with a plan God had other ideas and things just didn’t work out quite as expected so I hold all these things lightly because I have found that only one thing is ever certain

…if you have a plan God is sure to surprise you with something else!

Watch this space…

Doodling with Jesus

I always have been the sort of person that loves nothing better than having a good cry at a weepy movie. As a teenager I remember crying every week watching the Waltons yet it was still one of my favourite programmes.

I cry quite a bit in church services too, worship song lyrics particularly set me off depending on my mood and there have been a several sermons over the years that have touched me so deeply the tears start to flow. 

However I can’t remember a time when I’ve cried as I read the Bible, until today when I could have sobbed I was so overwhelmed.  

The problem was I was in a prayer meeting and I’m not sure I could have explained my tears there and then so I surreptitiously dried them trying not to make a fuss and draw attention to my emotional outburst.

But all day I have been left trying to unpick the verses we read wondering why they squeezed my heart so and because it’s what I do I shall write it down to clear my thoughts and if I’m typing it anyway I may as well share it with you in the hope my thoughts may be helpful to someone else.

The passage we read was in John chapter 8 verses 1 – 11. You can click on the link to get read it on BibleGateway.com or read what I’ve paraphrased it here:

A woman is caught in the act of adultery and brought before Jesus by the Pharisees, they are hoping to trap him and ask should they stone her for her sin as it says in the law of Moses.

Jesus stoops down and starts writing in the dust.

The Pharisees grow impatient and keep asking for an answer.

Eventually Jesus stands up and says, “only those you have committed no sin may stone her,” and he returns to his doodling on the ground.

One by one, starting with the oldest, everyone leaves and when Jesus looks up again he finds only the woman is left.

“Did no one condemn you?” He asks.

“No sir,” she replies.

“Then neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

What totally overwhelmed me this morning was the tenderness of Jesus to the woman, he was so gentle with her, never publically rebuking her or treating her harshly as the Pharisees had.

I could palpably feel his compassion poured out on this woman and thereby poured out on me. I may not be an adulterer but my sins are just as black when compared to the sinless Jesus. Like everyone else in the crowd I can’t cast a stone at her. 

What also struck me was the fact that Jesus deflected all attention away from her by drawing in the dust. His actions were strange, he seemed to be taking very little interest in what was going on and yet his words as usual are profound and have stuck as common parlance.

But his drawing in the dust also puzzled me and this is the bit I’ve been stuck pondering all day.

He is seemingly doodling, ignoring everything else that is going on. Was the woman just a tiny bit annoyed by his actions? I know I would be.  Actually I know I am often cross with Jesus,  he doesn’t seem to be answering my prayers, instead he’s tinkering with other stuff and I don’t really understand what’s going on.

As much as I sense Jesus’s compassion in this story I also have a sense of frustration that nothing is happening here.

So just what is going on down there in the dirt?

The Bible says Jesus was writing, my friend said today maybe he was doodling – well I understand both of those being an avid doodler and writer!

Essentially they are creative pastimes.

Right at the start of the Bible it says “in the beginning was the WORD.” God spoke the universe into existence. Words are incredibly powerful.

So was Jesus writing the woman’s story, drawing it, creating something new from the dust?

When he finally spoke to her she was alone and maybe that was the most special moment of all. Did she see his whole picture; get a glimpse of his plans for her marvellously put together?

My wise friend, who first suggested Jesus might be doodling, said maybe Jesus wants me to join him on the floor for a bit of scribbling  – just imagine what we could draw and write together? 

Now that makes me smile and my tears for now are wiped away.