The land of make believe where the little blue birds tweet…

I admitted a while back that been extra distracted of late and my mood has altered very little since. I’m still here in a house I can’t sell feeling stuck, thinking my life will never change for the better!

To that end I’ve been avoiding the real world, hiding my paperwork and trying to escape the overwhelming grief that is so stubborn it won’t go! 

However I know from past experience that my moods are subject to change very quickly and this can’t last much longer can it? 

And while I wait for some excitement in my life there is always Twitter, my latest favourite waste of time!

Only a few months ago I decided to give up Twitter altogether just because I was getting bored with it and couldn’t see the point of following the people I did.

My timeline then was filled mostly with two sorts of people

·         Writers promoting their latest blogs posts/ books/stories and I don’t feel like a “writer” anymore. Was I ever? Isn’t it all just hype spinning out of control?

·         And Christians expounding lots of wisdom that I didn’t always want to hear. God may have a plan for me but he is keeping it so secret I am totally frustrated to the point of falling out with him on a daily basis!

In the end I didn’t delete my account, somehow I knew I’d have a change of heart and in the last few months I have added a third group of people I follow and who follow me - my #Musketeer friends. 

And I hold my hands up and admit I now spend so much time on Twitter my best friend has to tweet me to get my attention because I don’t always answer her texts!

It all started with conversations about which musketeer/actor we fancied most – we are like a bunch of giggly schoolgirls sometimes and it is so good to laugh and daydream – I’ve reverted to being a teenager again!

It’s crazy to think they would be too old for me if I were still a teenager and they are far too young now I am somewhere in my forties (let’s just leave my exact age out of this - I've told you before anyway!)

But over the last few weeks I’ve discovered something else new to me on Twitter that I never knew existed – Role Play.

Some people have special Role Play accounts and pretend to actually be the Musketeers and other assorted historical characters.

Now one of my friends sternly raises her eyebrows at this, concerned that I am chatting to the wrong kind of men! She always has been suspicious whereas I am probably too naïve and trusting.  

I promise her I will be careful and not get carried away…too far! It’s a bit of harmless flirting and quite honestly I could use the practice! Most are university students, some are older and a few have admitted being single but you never know for sure what's true and what's not (inside or outside the brackets)!

It is fun, reading Musketeer storylines played out, the writing is usually excellent and has you on the edge of your seat as you wait for the next tweet to appear.  Meanwhile another thread weaves in and out of the timeline made up of those of us reading and making comments.

Sometimes us “real” people even get to join in and it gets confusing, it’s sad, it’s funny, sometimes poignant and often very sexy *blushes* - I am learning lots. 

I’m not sure I can explain it all very well without if sounding, well just a bit strange to the uninitiated. My real life friends shake their heads at my new found hobby but they know only too well it will probably be another passing phase, another step along my grief journey perhaps, another way I try to mend my broken heart or at least fill in the gaps.

Consequently I have become a part of yet another on line community who at this moment in time are encouraging me, supporting me and mostly making me smile. That’s got to be a good thing.

In return hopefully I am being as encouraging and giving out as much as I receive because as people open up you can see underneath we are all the same - aching, hurting, needing - and Twitter is such a great way to communicate succinctly, dispensing positive thoughts like drops of April showers.

And I’ve found it easy to just drop into a conversation that I will pray about something. It’s not a glib comment I truly mean it and if people want to ask me more about my Christianity they can. Yes my faith is a little shaky at the present time but it’s still there under pinning everything, it always will be.

I think carefully about what I tweet and try not to get myself into controversial situations I feel uncomfortable with.

So now my Twitter timeline is made up of Musketeer fans, who make me smile, Christians who regularly challenge me and writers who remind me that once I wanted to write too and even if my words only fill 140 characters I think it’s good to remember that that is still writing!

The Day We Met Tim Vine

My brightest highlight of the summer happened one Wednesday afternoon. I’ve never been much of a fan of Wednesdays, I even wrote a blog post about it once but 21st August 2013 was probably the best Wednesday there has ever been, except perhaps the one when I was born!

Youngest son and I were in Edinburgh waiting for the Tim Vine Chat Show, there wasn’t much of a queue when we arrived, just one family of 4 in front of us but we still had over half an hour to wait. I’d already made youngest son walk round the courtyard once so we didn’t appear too keen!

There had been a few spots of rain earlier in the day but suddenly the clouds parted, I slipped off my cardigan and enjoyed the summer sunshine on my bare shoulders, glad for the first time that day I had chosen my pretty, strappy summer top to wear. 

Then I looked around and spotted Tim Vine walking towards us!!!!!

I manhandled youngest son so he was looking in the right direction, he’s never been terribly observant.

“Who can you see?” I hissed in his ear. “Do you want to show him your Lego figure?”

is it a banana or is it a torch?

I got the Lego man out of my pocket thinking we would have to pounce as Tim walked past to get his attention but he actually came and stood behind us in the queue, cheekily asked who we were waiting for and if was he any good.

He liked the Lego version youngest son had made to show him. 

Personally I liked the real version standing in front of us, he looked just as gorgeous as he does on TV and I couldn’t believe he was standing here talking to us!

Is now a good time to mention I have a tiny little crush on him and he was the main reason we had chosen Edinburgh for our holiday destination?

When he wandered off the lady in front of us in the queue said she had a photo of us talking to him. Well a photo with a bit of us in, she had tried to cut us off altogether, but she offered to email it to me. My hands were shaking as I typed my email address into her unfamiliar phone.

The queue started to grow then, oblivious that the star of the show had just been chatting with us.

Eventually the doors opened and we sat ourselves down on the front row in the middle, it was a small venue and the stage was only inches away!

As part of the show Tim invites members of the audience on stage to interview them.  He said outside that he liked youngest son and he should fill in a form but as he wasn’t bothered and I was I filled in the form and made sure I had handed mine back first! I wrote “My son’s the one with the Lego figure!” just to increase my chances of being picked.

The lights dimmed and I sat getting nervous – what if he picked me? Or worse - what if he didn’t?

Too late to worry about that now Tim Vine burst onto the stage, larger than life wearing a pair of glasses made from sweets.

“EYE CANDY!” He said.

From where I was sitting he really didn’t need them – and I had a whole hour to sit back, relax, enjoy the show from pole position – hahahahaha!

Well he sang a song, something about miracles that I’ve never heard before and suddenly there is a microphone in front of my face. Fortunately before I even get chance to open my mouth you can hear a disembodied voice coming over the speakers singing a line of the song – oh why, oh why did we sit so close? My face probably matched my freshly dyed red hair now - well I did want him to notice me!

Do I believe in miracles? Hmmmmm – maybe? Can I think about that one?

He said, “My hamster died today but that’s OK he left me something in his wheel!”

Then he made the “mistake” of getting youngest son on stage to show off his Tshirt with a hamster face on it.

is it a guinea pig or is it a hamster?

“It’s a guinea pig!” Youngest son corrected – no microphone required for his outburst! He’s very fond of this Tshirt, the face looks just like our guinea pig Flash. Most beloved guinea pig in the world since our other guinea pig Fluffy died earlier in the year.

Youngest son sat down, I probably blushed even more from embarrassment as Tim Vine laid his hand on my shoulder, “You’ll have problems with him,” he said or something in a similar vein.

“I know.” I muttered meekly. 

Tim Vine had his hand on my shoulder and my son had just been so rude and the moment passed in a blur…

We’d already moved on, more jokes, songs, the first guest, a man who sold oxygen to hospitals!

Then suddenly it was my turn as my name was called and I was up on stage.

Now I’d meticulously planned this moment, I’d planned what I was going to wear (that strappy top was a definitely a great idea, I've often thought my shoulders were one of my best features!)  I was going to be the best guest ever. I was going to be articulate, witty, pretty…

I even imagined a daydream where things didn’t go so perfectly, one where I tripped getting up on stage and Tim Vine caught me – hahahahaha!

None of these things happened – I almost wished I wasn’t there – but only ALMOST!

Today I shall be pretty and witty and funny but suddenly I can’t string together a sentence or a story. It’s not the first time I have gone to pieces, lost for words in front of an attractive single man, I don’t suppose it will be the last.

I try to tell the tale of the time I ended up in a cage with 5 baby gorillas, but I don't sound all that coherent. 

I look into the audience and you can’t see anyone beyond the front two rows, the lights are so dazzling.

I was at college and we were making a film about endangered animals and I had to interview the zoo keeper and this all made perfect sense when I thought about it in the middle of the night.

And all the while Tim is telling other jokes between my disjointed sentences, he touched my knee as he thought of another one to tell and wanders off.

“It’s not about you.” I remember him saying.

“You know when you are trying to do a serious interview and it doesn’t quite go to plan!” 

Where did that come from? 

Oh that was me, I’d found my voice and I got a laugh from the darkness. I giggled suddenly trying to be demure and bashful, I think I even fluttered my eyelashes, was this really the best time to start flirting?

It wasn’t long before I found myself back in my seat in the front row! 

PHEW - that was hard work – I hope I didn’t really upset him?

Then he asked to see the Lego model to show everyone so I guess I didn’t disgrace myself too much!

All too soon the hour was up and youngest son and I pushed our way through the crowd, we had to run to get to Radio 2 tent for the Simon Mayo Drivetime Show – rumour had it Tim Vine would be there with his confession so we really couldn’t miss that!

“Well done!” Someone said to me as we left.

“Thank you!” I answered somewhat relieved the show was over – I don’t think I could do that for a living!

...because everybody needs a hero!

Or maybe my title today should be “…everybody needs a daydream” or perhaps “…everybody needs a giggle.”

You see yesterday my kitchen progressed to the stage where I needed a new man in my life – Granite Man – the man who came to take the vital statistics and measurements for my new kitchen worktops. He was smooth, solid, dependable and polished!

Oh yes he was rather good looking, tall, dark hair flecked with just a hint of grey in much the same way that my new granite worktops will be speckled with sparkle! He had a mysterious accent I just couldn’t quite place geographically, deep brown eyes and a killer smile. And I noticed NO wedding ring – oh how observant am I?

I offered him a drink. “Tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee please.”

“How do you take it? Milk? Sugar?”

“One milk, no I mean one sugar.”

He got tongue tied and slightly flustered and we giggled. I’m not used to these kinds of encounters with the opposite sex.

When he left I enquired if he would be returning for the final fitting. Alas the answer was no – shame I will probably never see him again!

Never mind, it was still good to practice my flirting skills, they are rusty verging on non-existent. I’ve never been much good at talking to “boys”, especially good looking and available ones.

The other day I had an interesting conversation with Andrew’s mum, who’s been widowed for many years now. She in hospital at the moment and has been eying up the gorgeous male nurses. She confessed to me she was hopeful one of them would take her for a shower – she isn’t stable enough to be left alone. As she gets older she gets worse in more ways than one.

And so the subject turned to her news and gossip gleaned from the luncheon club on the Tuesday before she was admitted.

She told me the tale of a woman in her seventies (one of the helpers) who had just got herself a new gentleman friend.

“She’s widowed, not divorced so I said good for her, she does right.” 

(Rightly or wrongly my mother-in-law has a bit more compassion for those who have lost their husbands rather than divorced them.)

Then she added “I told her I hope Sarah finds someone new.”

I could have cried at that, she’s said it before, it means I have her blessing to find someone new and fall in love again now her son has died.

(Our relationship often remains me of the book of Ruth in the Bible.)

 

Part of me cries at the love and understanding she shows me but I also cry because I just don’t see how it will happen. 

Andrew and I had known each other for over a year before we started dating, our friendship developed very gradually over time. There is no one on the horizon as far as I can see so any out of the blue chance meetings are an unexpected surprise.

However I need to stop my heart from racing and my daydreams taking over when a strange man does show up at my door. I have a tendency to get swept away.

Harmless flirting with Granite Man did me the world of good and now of course I have a wonderful story to share with my mother-in-law on my next visit!