Yesterday I went to see About Time, the new Richard Curtis
film. I always enjoy his writing and the way he tells a story, I’ve already watched Notting Hill this week
on DVD and I was really looking forward to this film even without Hugh Grant in
it!
I wasn’t disappointed; the film made me laugh out loud and
inevitably made me cry. Any romantic movie stirs up my emotions but I can’t
tell you about everything that made me cry because I don’t want to spoil the
plot for anyone.
However it is not spoiling things too much to say that the
movie is about a man who can travel in time, but only backwards and only within
his own life.
To perform this feat all he has to stand in a dark room,
usually a cupboard or a wardrobe, clench his fists tight and think about the
exact moment he wants to go back to, usually with a view of changing things for the better.
It got me thinking … if I could stand in my wardrobe and clench
my fists how far would I want to travel back in time? What would I want to change? And let’s pretend I only
get one go at it so I have to pick my moment well.
I’ve done some pretty silly things in my time, and I’m
certainly not listing them all on here. Some things I cringe over - how could I
ever have been so daft? I could go back and change them, stop me from making a
fool of myself but without those moments that I laugh about would I still be
me? And often my friends get a good giggle out of them as well! It’s all part
of growing up, even if I am still learning at 45!
No in the grand scheme of things those events are not worth
going back for.
Would I instead choose to go back to the last time I saw
Andrew? What if I had stayed with him that afternoon instead of going out?
Could I have saved him?
Time travel really does throw up the most interesting of
dilemmas. If Andrew had his heart attack, because I’m not sure much could have
prevented it, but if he survived would he have been the same person?
His dad had his first heart attack at the same age but it
affected him to the extent that he was never quite the same again. To be honest
I’m not sure I would have coped well with a shadow of Andrew in our lives,
always there but not quite how he should be.
No I think if I was going to go back in time it would have
to be to a happy day, probably one of those days out we had as a family that
last summer.
Perhaps the one where we dropped the camera – let’s rewind
that – I’d hold that precious object so tightly and capture many more happy
snaps.
Eliminating the broken camera would save the arguments that
followed; youngest son wouldn’t have been as moody as we walked along blaming
himself, when really it was just an accident passing the camera between us when
it slipped from our fingers, I was just as much to blame for letting go of the
strap.
However this was still mostly a happy day, I would just like
to go back and smooth out the crinkly edges of it, make it almost more than
perfect.
The boys would skim stones until it became second nature and
it would remain forever a talent their dad had taught them one sunny day. OK so
it’s not the greatest life skill but it’s something youngest son has never
mastered and it makes me sad to watch him when he sort of tries and immediately
gives up.
If I could live this day again I would laugh louder and
longer, enjoying every second. I would forget about my aching back and the long
car journey which had exacerbated the nagging pain. I would just enjoy it all
over again and I would make time for more kisses and hand holding and talking
about the completely unimportant trivial stuff – those little things that I truly miss.
I’m really not asking for much, I don’t want to change time
or alter the future – oh if only I could step into the wardrobe and enter
another world!
But all we can do is enjoy the here and now. I’m learning
and trying, choosing JOY when I remember, counting my blessings and trying so
hard not to worry about what the future holds.
The past is sadly gone but I can always relive that day in
my memories, maybe it wasn’t totally perfect but it was pretty good
nevertheless!
