An update...

Well I thought it only fair after going on and on about my house viewing to share what happened, only I’m staring at a blank page and wondering where to start.

Yes they were very keen however as with anything connected with this grand and imposing house it’s not quite so straightforward.

The interested party is a charity and they are at the beginning of their search. The two trustees I met on Saturday will have to take away their thoughts and ideas and work together with others from their group looking at the feasibility of the project, funding etc.

As ever in my own mind I’d skipped a few chapters of the story and was almost planning packing up and moving out. I was certainly getting excited about the prospect of NOT having to sweep up the leaves this autumn.

Apparently my mum actually told my brother I’d sold my house! So maybe that is where I get my over-enthusiastic nature from.

Now I thought the delay would send my mood tumbling, I’ve been very up and down recently, but I’d read this verse in the Bible on Saturday morning…

“But oh my soul don’t be discouraged. Don’t be upset. Expect God to act! For I know that I shall again have plenty of reason to praise him for all he will do. He is my help! He is my God!”

Psalm 42 verse 11 (Living Bible)

No other version says it quite the same way. I particularly like the phrase “expect God to act!” and the certainty the psalmist has that God will do good things in the future, there will be cause for celebration.  

These words went deep into my soul and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is working things out – I just have to be reminded occasionally, often, very often, OK - all the time. (I thank God for my best friend who is extremely patient with me – you know who you are! xx)

The truth is there is no urgency for us to move NOW, this viewing was an unexpected bonus and time will tell what comes of it.

In the meantime I can relax, enjoy my kitchen, take a sense of pride from my mostly tidy house and revel in the summer holidays and all they have to offer.

Maybe I could also do some writing while I’m waiting? Now there’s an idea!

seeing stars

When I wrote my blog last night I was not in a great mood. I’ve come to expect that nothing exciting will ever happen to me again and although I tried to temper the bitterness of my words I know it is there between every line.

Some days are tough and there are times when I wonder if I will ever experience the joys of being in a relationship again or the pleasure of going away without the cares and worries associated with organising child care.

Youngest son had two days off school as he felt unwell and oldest son was subdued yesterday and I can’t fathom out the answer why.

I have two children completely dependent on ME alone and I can’t see a time when they won’t need me. They always will.

The only time I have completely to myself is between the hours of 9 and 3, term time only. Don’t ask me to do anything outside these parameters because it isn’t going to happen without a lot of careful planning and forethought.

After posting my slightly pessimistic blog I stepped outside to put the guinea pigs away for the night. It was one of those beautiful clear evenings and I stopped and looked at the stars above. I’d never really noticed before but they really do twinkle! 

I’m not so blonde that I was spotting aeroplanes by mistake I could tell the difference - aircraft flicker while moving in straight lines.

The longer you watch the night sky the more you see. There is a whole universe out there and we are such a tiny speck.

It reminded me of Psalm 8; here it is in The Message version

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,

Your handmade sky-jewellery,

Moons and stars mounted in their settings.

Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,

Why do you bother with us?

Why take a second look our way?

Like King David who wrote that Psalm so many years ago it’s easy to feel small and insignificant. Here we are “mere mortals”, as it says in another translation. Does God care about our trivial worries?

In the grand scheme of things I have at least been married and had children; at seventeen I wondered if a boy would ever like me enough to even kiss me!

The Psalm continues

Yet we’ve so narrowly missed being gods,

Bright with Eden’s dawn light.

You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,

Repeated to us your Genesis charge,

Made us lords of sheep and cattle,

Even animals out in the wild,

Birds flying and fish swimming,

Whales singing in the ocean deeps.

God, brilliant Lord

Your name echoes around the world.

Seeing the stars last night reminded me of God’s awesome power and wonder.

The Psalm reminds me that I am part of His glorious creation and whatever you create is precious, a blog, a birthday card, a child, a star.

God hasn’t forgotten me and my seemingly lowly plight in the valley of the doldrums despite everything else that is going on.

I’ve been texting a friend while typing this and these words she sent to me are perfect to finish with today. They let me know all hope is not lost and soothe away this temporary pain and bitterness …

One thing is certain – God really loves me