We’ve just been away for a few days, we being me and
youngest son. We’ve been to Edinburgh, seen a few shows on the fringe and been
to the zoo.
When I first booked the tickets I thought this would be a
great big adventure, not just going to Edinburgh Fringe for the first time but
actually driving there, driving north of the border into another country.
OK so it’s not a huge thing but Andrew rarely let me do the
driving and I’ve not even been to Scotland since he died. It’s significant
because he used to work off Aberdeen on a gas platform; driving up and down the
A1 was second nature to him and he complained just how monotonous it was.
There were occasions when we had gone with him. Four years
ago he was working in the office because of a medical condition keeping him
on-shore and we spent some days in Aberdeen with him. He rented an apartment
for the week and the boys and I would meet him from work after our days filled
with sightseeing.
We’ve always had these strange little holidays, a few days
here and there; to be honest as Andrew worked away he was never happy to be
away from home for too long.
Our holiday patterns now he is gone have stayed much the
same. Short excursions are both manageable and familiar.
So I planned this trip with some trepidation. As I said it
is the first time we’d ever been to the Fringe and the first time youngest son
and I had been away together without staying with friends who have other
children to keep him amused.
We set off from home, calling en route at WHSmiths to pick
up a copy of the Daily Mail who this week are giving away free Lego. Only a
small model but enough to keep youngest quiet for all of 2 minutes on the long
journey and add to his already vast collection.
Then I decided I should program the SatNav.
It was dead. It wouldn’t work at all. Turning on the
ignition didn’t spark it into life. I pressed the only button on it and took
the lead out and plugged it back in again.
 |
| A working SatNav! |
Finally I resorted to the reset button underneath. This
can only be pressed by use of a pin but in dire needs such as this when you
have no pin to hand I have employed an earring and it has done the trick – oh
how amazed was Andrew with me the day I did that – well actually not very much
but I was impressed by my ingenuity!
On Monday however this didn’t work. With some misguided
determination I fiddled about a bit more, whilst driving, not a great plan, I
do remember swerving ever so slightly to avoid a parked car – then I decided I really should focus
on the matter at hand so I discarded the Sat Nav completely saying “God, it’s
up to you and whatever I can remember of the route.” After all this was supposed
to be an adventure!
Of course getting to Edinburgh itself is reasonably straight
forward – get to the A1 and keep driving north.
The problem I knew would be once we hit the outskirts of the
city but fortunately I had looked at Google maps enough times in my preparation
to have some idea of where I was headed and our accommodation was along the
same road as the zoo, so I knew if I followed signs in that direction I should
make it. Once in the area I could always ask if absolutely necessary, I am a
girl, it’s not beyond me!
There was one little wobble where I decided to change lanes
last minute at a set of traffic lights at a junction, which I hasten to add I
did entirely safely although technically maybe not totally legally, but dotted
lines mean you can cross them right? I’m sure they weren’t solid! Thank
goodness I didn’t have my almost 17 year old, soon to be learner driver with
me!
Anyway a little bit further along the road I spotted the
place just like the picture I’d seen on the internet. Our home from home for
the next three nights. We had reached out destination with very little hassle
and certainly no drama, tears or tantrums.
Now I am pleased with myself, our few days away all went to
plan – well OK maybe not all to plan, some bits weren’t so successful, like the
show we walked out of it was so rude. But other things happened that were way
above my expectations – I might just write about those another day!
But the truth is I’m not sure if the trip really stretched
me. I have more belief in myself than I have ever had before and I want to try
something more adventurous next time. Even driving back home through the Tyne
Tunnel, another first for me, didn’t make me think “WOW I am so clever!”
Sometimes I wonder just how far I have travelled down this
road called grief, there are bits of me that will never be the same but I have
never wanted my bereavement to debilitate me. It is like travelling without a SatNav, a
little bit scary as you have no idea what’s just up ahead.
However these few days away have shown me that I am stronger than I
think, smarter that I often give myself credit for and even when things don’t
go completely to plan I am capable of calmly working out a solution – who knew?
I am prone to panic attacks and anxiety...I've been working solidly on this for some months now, and like you I can finally see I'm much stronger than I thought I was!
ReplyDeleteEdinburgh...I adore the city! We took our children there in 2009. It was a surprise trip, they had no idea where we were going and it was their first flight, we only stayed a day, but what a day! The Fringe was on and we had a fantastic day. I even got picked out of the crowd to chain up an escapologist!
Glad it looks like you might think of going further afield next time too ;)