Wednesday, 20 June 2012

To write or not to write?

On Twitter I have lots of writing friends; we follow each other, read each other’s stories and pass on lots of encouragement. I’m in with a good crowd, only one of whom I’ve actually met in person.

Their comments on my blog when I was feeling really down were astonishing, I felt so much love from those I’d only recently got to know. This is when the World Wide Web is working at its very best.

However there is a little fluffy white wispy cloud to this silvery lining – I have come to realise just how many fantastic writers there are in the world - all of us with dreams and ambitions of seeing our words in print.

I used to believe that writing would be my new career, the words I formed from my sadness, the feelings I poured out onto the page along with my tears would somehow give meaning to my tragedy.

Now I am not so sure.

Once I was so desperate to write everything down, to share my life with you. Now I want to keep some secrets to myself, I need some space between the words to breathe.

A while ago someone told me there was no rush to write my book, yet I have always felt an urgency to get it completed before someone comes along and steals my thunder. A curious idea when my story is my own and very personal.

I have just read a book by Darren Cockle called The Life and Death of an Unknown Celebrity. It is his story of how his wife died of breast cancer leaving him with two small children.  There are many similarities to our two tales but oh so many differences as well. It is an honest account and worth reading for another insight into grief besides my own.

How Darren got his writing published I do not know, nothing about his writing is mentioned in the book but that’s the real story I want to read!

But Darren hasn’t written my book and if his does well maybe there is a market for books of this genre.

Possibly adding more pressure to write now and write fast, catching this current wave.

Really there is no rush and who am I writing for anyway?

Firstly it helps me to sort my feelings into some coherent order. One day I write one thing, two months later I’m writing the complete opposite point of view. That’s me and how my brain works as I process my ideas.

I do want my writing to help others too and maybe sometimes a blog entry is enough.

Sometime I find other people’s blogs by chance an I read them only once or twice, I find them from links from other friends and one link leads to another. Maybe it’s a bit voyeuristic as you dip in and out of stranger’s thoughts but I always learn something new. Fresh slants on old ideas or even reading about someone on a different journey I think “I’m glad I do things my way” or “How do they cope with THAT?”

So where am I going with my question today – should I write or not write?

I’m naturally slowing down the pace of writing for a time, I still have ideas I want to share but I might just hold a few thoughts back – who are you to know what’s in my head anyway?

From reading other blogs I know just how much I enjoy hearing that different voice.  I hope and pray that my words reach out and touch whoever is meant to read them.

Writing in a vacuum when you get no feedback at all can get you down but I get good comments so there must be something worthwhile in my tale telling.

As for chasing the dream of being published, I’m not sure I’m ready for that much commitment and certainly not in a good place to get too many rejections. I need to build my confidence and take life as it comes.

So I’m back, a little bit reinvigorated but perhaps a little less daydreamy with my feet on the ground.

To write? Well it still seems the right thing to do.

Monday, 18 June 2012

Where has all the cutlery gone?

I don’t know why but we never seem to have enough cutlery, especially forks. Now we had this problem when Andrew was alive, I’d often have to rescue dirty cutlery from the dishwasher at mealtimes so we could all sit and eat together.

Today I counted how many knives, forks and spoons were actually in the draw. There should be two sets in there, a four piece set and a six piece set. In total we are short of 3 knives, 4 forks and 1 spoon – how did that happen?

I’ve always thought I’d buy new when we move house but why wait when it would be useful now?

So I‘ve bought a whole new set.

It’s a small step, nothing momentous in the grand scheme of things.

I found this picture on someone’s blog a few months ago and knew it would come in useful. I’ve bounced in Tigger fashion from “I won’t buy new things until we move” to “Yes I bought new cutlery regardless.”

In reality my leap has been a little less bouncy.

I’ve taken time out sitting on the “I can’t do it” step for a while. Everything has seemed to be a huge hurdle lately. It’s taken a lot of effort to pull myself up to the next step up – “I want to do it!”

I keep coming back to the conclusion that I have to be happy where I am now, with how things are now

Who knows what is round the corner, I can’t waste my time daydreaming of a new life when everything is in tune with my perfect plan. Instead I have to learn to be content while I wait and then maybe the waiting won’t seem so arduous.

It’s so obvious really and I can’t believe how long it has taken me to work it out – now I just have to figure out how to put my new revelation into practice.

The new cutlery is already in use!

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Five Sentence Fiction - Lost

OK it's been a while since I wrote anything, lots of thoughts flying round my head but for now and just for fun a five sentence fiction - thanks Lillie McFerrin for the inspiration...


She’d checked everywhere from the fridge to the fruit bowl and now she was getting frantic.

Clive had sent a text, “pack your passport and bikini we’re off to Acapulco.”

Why wasn’t her life as neat and tidy as her sister’s  - Mrs Two-Kids Two-Cars Two-Foreign-Holidays-a-Year.

Why wasn’t she as meticulously organised as Clive?

He could organise a successful bank raid and she couldn’t even find the bottom half of her favourite pink bikini.