To write or not to write?

On Twitter I have lots of writing friends; we follow each other, read each other’s stories and pass on lots of encouragement. I’m in with a good crowd, only one of whom I’ve actually met in person.

Their comments on my blog when I was feeling really down were astonishing, I felt so much love from those I’d only recently got to know. This is when the World Wide Web is working at its very best.

However there is a little fluffy white wispy cloud to this silvery lining – I have come to realise just how many fantastic writers there are in the world - all of us with dreams and ambitions of seeing our words in print.

I used to believe that writing would be my new career, the words I formed from my sadness, the feelings I poured out onto the page along with my tears would somehow give meaning to my tragedy.

Now I am not so sure.

Once I was so desperate to write everything down, to share my life with you. Now I want to keep some secrets to myself, I need some space between the words to breathe.

A while ago someone told me there was no rush to write my book, yet I have always felt an urgency to get it completed before someone comes along and steals my thunder. A curious idea when my story is my own and very personal.

I have just read a book by Darren Cockle called The Life and Death of an Unknown Celebrity. It is his story of how his wife died of breast cancer leaving him with two small children.  There are many similarities to our two tales but oh so many differences as well. It is an honest account and worth reading for another insight into grief besides my own.

How Darren got his writing published I do not know, nothing about his writing is mentioned in the book but that’s the real story I want to read!

But Darren hasn’t written my book and if his does well maybe there is a market for books of this genre.

Possibly adding more pressure to write now and write fast, catching this current wave.

Really there is no rush and who am I writing for anyway?

Firstly it helps me to sort my feelings into some coherent order. One day I write one thing, two months later I’m writing the complete opposite point of view. That’s me and how my brain works as I process my ideas.

I do want my writing to help others too and maybe sometimes a blog entry is enough.

Sometime I find other people’s blogs by chance an I read them only once or twice, I find them from links from other friends and one link leads to another. Maybe it’s a bit voyeuristic as you dip in and out of stranger’s thoughts but I always learn something new. Fresh slants on old ideas or even reading about someone on a different journey I think “I’m glad I do things my way” or “How do they cope with THAT?”

So where am I going with my question today – should I write or not write?

I’m naturally slowing down the pace of writing for a time, I still have ideas I want to share but I might just hold a few thoughts back – who are you to know what’s in my head anyway?

From reading other blogs I know just how much I enjoy hearing that different voice.  I hope and pray that my words reach out and touch whoever is meant to read them.

Writing in a vacuum when you get no feedback at all can get you down but I get good comments so there must be something worthwhile in my tale telling.

As for chasing the dream of being published, I’m not sure I’m ready for that much commitment and certainly not in a good place to get too many rejections. I need to build my confidence and take life as it comes.

So I’m back, a little bit reinvigorated but perhaps a little less daydreamy with my feet on the ground.

To write? Well it still seems the right thing to do.