Pollyanna and The Glad Game

Last weekend we visited my parents and after my long drive Saturday morning we decided to put our feet up and watch a film.  As mum scrolled through the films she had recorded from the TV searching for something good to watch we found “Pollyanna”.

“I haven’t watched that for years!” I cried.

“Shall we watch it then? Your dad likes that one too, he’ll probably sit and watch it with us.”

I settled back on the sofa and sure enough my dad came and sat down beside me too, even if he did complain, “we’ve seen this before!”

Youngest son wandered in and out, shaking his head at us watching such a silly old movie.

“Will she fall out of the tree and die?” He said with a grin.

“Just watch.” Said his Grandad, but he never did sit down with us. Neither did Pollyanna die, but I don’t want to add too many spoilers just in case you haven’t seen this classic piece of cinema!

Pollyanna making rainbows from glass prisms

I remember watching the film when I was small and wanting to be Pollyanna, well except the falling out of the tree part. I wanted to be just like the smiling, happy little girl who always saw the best in people and in every situation. The little girl who despite every adversity taught a whole town to be GLAD.

You may remember somewhere near the start of the summer holidays I went to New Wine and made a decision to CHOOSE to be joyful? Kind of like playing an updated version of Pollyanna's Glad Game.

Why is it as soon as we make these kinds of momentous decisions real life seems to get tough? 

Nothing really BAD has come my way but I get the feeling “something” is trying to pull me in the opposite direction making me unduly grumpy and despondent, magnifying life’s little hiccups out of all proportion.

Watching Pollyanna reminded me to play the Glad Game or to count my blessings or to choose joy, it doesn’t really matter what you call it, just do what works best for you. 

You can only be the miserable maid or the awkward aunt for so long; eventually Pollyanna’s game becomes infectious.

So with that in mind I have started writing down the good things that have happened that day in my diary, especially when I don’t feel like it. I have found once I write one thing, even something small and seemingly insignificant, I tend to remember another and then a third and fourth…

As we’ve nearly reached the end of the summer holidays I decided to write a list of this year’s holiday highlights… to remind me that Summer 2013 was really good and not just because of the sunshine!

Obviously there was New Wine, it’s always great to be away with my friends and this year someone organised a Camp Olympics competition for our group, lots of silly games that involved throwing ping pong balls at a target, scrambling under guy ropes and spinning round a broom handle before walking in a straight line – or should that be falling over – OUCH! Haven’t laughed so much for ages – lots of family fun with my lovely extended church family!

Taking both boys to the cinema to see Wolverine. There are so few films we all want to see and this was one of the few things we all did together, so that makes it extra special. 

Having my bridesmaid and her family come to stay for a few days. A day out to a theme park in the sunshine, getting spectacularly wet on the water rides and no arguments from any of the six children or us 3 adults! Having a Scalextric tournament one evening and a musical evening the next, my friend’s husband and eldest son can both play the piano beautifully. Since my youngest son gave up lessons no one plays ours anymore – oh I really need to find a man who is musical! Hehehe

The drainpipe leaking – ok so that doesn’t sound like a blessing especially as there was no one around at the time to call on to fix it but when a section of pipe completely fell off something HAD to be done and oldest son and I got out the ladder and mended it together. All this time I’ve been wondering where I would find a man to fix things for me and there he was all the time, growing up before my eyes, tall and strong and capable!

And then he got his GCSE results. He worked so hard and achieved 2 As, 5 Bs and 4 Cs. Funnily enough for my O levels I got 1 A, 6 Bs and 4 Cs – I guess that makes him just a little bit brighter than his mother then!

There were a few days spent at my parents where I got spoiled with tea and toast in bed every morning – BLISS. I finally got to relax and actually finished reading a book!

A ventriloquism lesson for youngest son.

And I can’t forget to mention Edinburgh, just arriving there without a SatNav, the zoo (the monkeys were our favourite), the fringe, watching Simon Mayo Drivetime live in the Radio 2 tent and I have to mention the God Particle, please go and see it if you have a chance, such a funny and clever play – I wish I could write like that.

But my most favourite Edinburgh highlight… well that deserves a special post all of its own...just click the link below!

***** THE DAY WE MET TIME VINE*****

Meanwhile I’m glad that outside the sun is still shining and there are still 4 days left of the summer holidays to fill – I wonder just how many blessing I can squeeze in?

God's not done with me yet...

I was asked yesterday at church to share something about New Wine last week, so I scribbled down a few notes and afterwards decided to use them as a starting point for this blog post too – recycling – don’t you just love it?

As it happened I got up early Sunday morning, made myself a cup of tea, resisted the urge to switch on the computer to check Facebook and Twitter and I thought about what God had said to me over the last seven days. I actually wrote over four pages in my diary and I’m only up to day one! I didn’t think God had that much he needed to say to me!

Last year God spoke powerfully to me in the shower, this year he spoke to me everywhere, a few words here and there which apparently adds up to a lot. Similar themes came up again and again – well I never listen the first time! 

Much of it is personal, one particular speaker, Jo Saxton, seemed to have a hotline to my thoughts – some of her stories are so similar to mine its uncanny!

Leaving aside the personal stuff for Sunday morning’s impromptu testimony I started with the lyrics of my favourite New Wine song this year.

 

You Found Me by Ian Yates and Sam Blake

You found me

You’ve stolen my heart

You’ve stolen my heart

You found me

Awakened my heart

Awakened my heart

When all around is sinking sand

You’re the rock on which I stand

You’re the rock on which I stand 

And in the pain and suffering

You were stretching out your hand

You were stretching out your hand

To me

There was just something about this song that grabbed hold of me from the start. I have been surrounded by sinking sand over the past couple of year since Andrew died yet God has remained steadfast and faithful and reaching out to me at every step, never letting me fall.

Each time I sang these words I was reminded he will never leave me and that demands a response from me. One particular morning I just had to kneel down to sing, God's awesome presence was overwhelming and I am so thankful he has brought me this far and kept me close to him.

As you may have figured by now if you regularly read my blog I am a planner, a plotter, a daydreamer. I really do like to know where I am heading and how I am going to get there. I am all too fond of telling God the best path we should take but he is determined to take me on a mystery tour and travel the much longer scenic route.

my new journal...

God reminded me this week I need to surrender my own map book and atlas, give up my “secret” plans, which he knows all about anyway, all I need to do is follow him, one footstep at a time.

...with a verse I always cling to!

One of the lovely things about New Wine is the Art Venue called 3:16. It is run by a friend of mine and everyday a group of talented artists share their skills and lead some fantastic workshops. 

Last year I had a go at prayer weaving, it was incredibly peaceful, God spoke to me as I worked with recycled material, fabrics, wool, buttons and beads. The lady who ran that workshop this year did one called stitch a prayer.

I obviously had some notion in my head from the start of how my prayer would look but once I got my hands on the fabric my thoughts changed and I let God lead me in a different direction.

It started as a stormy sea then as I turned the fabric round I decided it should actually be a waterfall of tumbling thoughts made up of discarded plastic bags, net fabric and felt all stitched rather haphazardly. 

There’s a swirl of chain stitch as I try to make sense of things by myself. I try to get things in order but only end up stirring the mess with my own hands and going round and round in circles. Eventually the stitches dissolve into single chains reminiscent of tear drops. 

They lead down towards the cross and another pair of larger scarred hands.

 

Across the bottom of the material I stitched a colourful piece of fabric, this is all very neat and tidily enclosed by blanket stitch. There are two pairs of feet, the smaller ones following the larger footsteps.

It seemed to me even in my sewing God was saying, leave all the tangled mess behind and just follow me…

On my last evening at New Wine there wasn’t just one big talk but several smaller ones covering a variety of serious issues. Each person who spoke was incredibly brave, opening up and sharing some of their own stories.

The testimony that really spoke to me was a video shown on the screen. The woman who spoke had a huge infectious smile on her face as she told us how much she loved life. She appeared to be so jolly with not a care in the world.

Then she shared how last year she found a lump in her breast and she talked about having cancer. She fiddled about with her wig, finally discarding it and talking honestly about JOY. With God’s help she had chosen to be joyful, even through the toughest of times.

She was an inspiration and although my own story is completely different I decided I wanted to choose to be joyful in my own circumstances too.

None of this is going to be easy, surrendering my own plans, following Jesus and choosing joy. I’ve set myself a bit of a challenge in the coming weeks and months. OK a LOT of a challenge! Although in some ways it's pretty basic Christianity I just need to be reminded daily that this is the path I have decided to take.

However as it says in the song at the beginning God reaches out his hand to us and is always there to help.

I bought a new Tshirt at New Wine too.

It inspired today title and serves as a reminder that actually I am still a work in progress, on my own I would fail, spectacularly, but with God I just might be able to stand on the solid rock…

Blessings found in the bottom of a shopping trolley…

Have you ever collected a shopping trolley and found something interesting in the bottom?

I don’t just mean someone else’s shopping list, neither do I mean those adverts that have fallen out of magazines and been abandoned.

Have you ever found left over shopping?

When I went shopping while away at New Wine, I discovered a pack of 10 mini highlighter pens in the bottom of my trolley. There was no one around to give them back to so I popped them in my handbag.

This week I have been deliberating writing a post about my New Wine highlights. I decided it would be good to write one for every brightly coloured pen I'd "acquired"!

A list started to form in my head but I wondered if I could actually think of TEN outstanding, gold medal sized moments? 

Then other more pedantic thoughts occurred. There were some aspects of New Wine I was very grateful for; let's call those blessings – but when does a blessing become a highlight? Are they actually the same? It is just terminology, one word for the more spiritual events, the other for more ordinary happenings? Is a blessing perhaps a holy highlight?

All this pondering stopped me from actually writing and I’ve stopped writing for far too long so without anymore delay here’s my list…

1. My friend’s husband was on the site team and was there a whole week early, he took my tent and it was up and ready for my when I arrived!

2. Watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony on big screens in a packed room with hundreds of others was an amazing experience. We laughed together and stood for the national anthem, proud to be British!

3. Just being with friends for the week, I am thankful for cups of tea made for me and meals shared. Catching up with old friends and just picking up conversations where we left off.

4. Oldest son helping in one of the children’s groups. It was hard work for him having to just get up early every morning but I am so proud of him that he stuck with it.

5. Youngest son being well behaved, we didn’t have a major fall out this year, I never felt so overwhelmed I couldn’t cope.

6. The Arts Venue, the beauty created, watching my friend step out of her comfort zone and lead a workshop and weaving a prayer, peaceful and healing.

7. The Impact Venue where I worshipped and danced; the atmosphere there is amazing, full of God’s love and lots of laughter.

8. My evening of crying and talking to our previous vicar, I was feeling low and he listed all my good qualities – now I just have to believe I am this WONDERFUL person!

9. A seminar by Tina Hodge called “Taking Back What the Enemy has Stolen”. She signed my copy of her book with this inscription “I see new chapters opening for you through which the Lord is going to bless many – stay open to Him”. I am inspired! (you can read more about Tina’s work at lovef1rst.com)

10. And my bestest, bestest moment of the week: standing on the mainstage reading my poem “Jesus is an Action Man” in my friend Angus Bell’s seminar. An incredible feeling and affirmation that this is where I want to be and God is opening doors. My hands shook with nerves but my voice held as I read my words clearly.

Even after writing my list I have no conclusions to make over the difference between highlights and blessings but with a huge smile on my face I can recommend it’s always a good idea to…

HIGHLIGHT your BLESSINGS!

The Fluff of Fantasy

As I write this by old fashioned method of pen and paper I am sat in my tent on an airbed that refused to stay fully inflated!

We are away on our annual pilgrimage to Newark for the New Wine North and East conference.

This is our fourth year and I’m not getting any better at this camping lark. I still forget to bring the essentials and end up grabbing a cup of tea from anyone who has a boiling kettle. But that’s OK – this is Christian living in action!!!

However I am not writing to extol the virtues of community sharing and the pooling of resources. I NEED to tell you about something that happened one evening.

First you might like to go and read a post from last year Merry Christmas to a Stranger where I wrote about last year’s New Wine – or more particularly about a man who I thought would be more important in my life than he ever will be.

I thought at the time that we shared a look, a bond perhaps even a common experience (I first spotted him at a bereavement seminar). All year in the back of my head has been a giggly girlie waiting for our next meeting, creating potential out of nothing, like a teenager with a first crush.

Now I know it is just the fluff of fantasy, like candy floss in the rain it disintegrated before my very eyes when he sat in front of me in the evening meeting with his wife!

Now I knew he had a wedding ring on when I first caught sight of him last year but then so did I.

Sometimes I wonder at God’s sense of humour and timing. All evening I confess I watched him convincing myself he was the man I saw last year while erasing the dreams I had created.

I had a sense God told me he has someone even better lined up for me but I can’t fully believe, maybe that is the fluff of fantasy too?

Merry Christmas to a Stranger

Strange thoughts have been running through my head these past few days.  I’ve been thinking of a man I’ve not even met. Although I know he exists because I have seen him - twice.

It all started in the summer at a big Christian conference called New Wine, in a seminar about bereavement.

Now there was a bit of a standing joke between me and my friends that I would be attending the seminars on “bereavement” and “being a single parent” with my eyes WIDE open looking for an unattached man.  I’m not really so predatory but having had my marriage snatched unexpectedly away I know that I want to one day be part of a couple again.  It seemed a good place to start looking.

So there’s this man that caught my eye.  It’s a cliché but yes, tall, dark and handsome.  He sat a few rows in front of me to my left and my eyes naturally wandered in his direction - quite often.

I have good eyesight and spotted he had a wedding ring on so maybe he is married but then I still wear my ring too.  It is complete conjecture that he was at the seminar because he had lost his wife.  In lots of ways I hope he is still happily married, the pain of losing a loved one is so great I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

When the seminar ended he disappeared but I saw him once more the same day.

I was walking in one direction with the boys as he walked the other, with a young girl who I assume was his daughter.  Both of us happily chatting to our kids but as our paths crossed our eyes did meet for the briefest of moments almost registering some sort of connection.

Then I never saw him again and maybe I never will.

But wherever you are and whoever you may be I pray that you have the most wonderful of Christmases and are surrounded with love and happy memories, especially if you are alone.

Perhaps one day we will meet up for real and not just in my daydreams.