After reading some of the other entries I don't think my Santa is completely bad, but just imagine what it would be like being married to him...
Favourite Night of the Year
“I know it’s wrong to speak ill of the dead…”
“Oh Mrs Claus, he’s not…?” The doctor interjected, looking
up from her notes with some concern showing on her tired face. This was the
last appointment before the holidays.
“No just wishful thinking on my part. He really is the most
insufferable man this time of year, I keep imagining a Sleigh crash, that ice
on the North Pole corner can be really slippery. Or maybe a heart attack, his
cholesterol levels go through the roof at Christmas with all that food left out
for him that he insists on eating. And don’t get me started on his alcohol
consumption. He’ll be back tomorrow with a massive hangover, elasticated Santa
suit at full stretch, a few buttons popped off, crumbs in his beard, slumped in
front of the fire, it’s not a pretty sight I can tell you.
“He never has any time for me.
“And once he’s slept that off its straight back to work the
next day. With that infuriating jolly smile on his face as if the night before
never happened.” She wistfully stared out of the window.
“Do you have a family Mrs Claus? Do they share your
concerns?”
“We never had our own kids but he’s sort of adopted everyone
else's. Keeps a real good eye on them. Writes a list in his diary sat in bed at
night “naughty or nice”. There’s nothing like hearing about some of those
tearaways to put you right off having your own brood.
“Quite honestly who’d want to bring children into the world
these days? And they are so
demanding. I want this, I want that, no wonder my husband has to work so hard.”
Mrs Claus let out a huge sigh.
“Well I can always prescribe you some little pills,” said
the doctor, “just to get you over this rough patch or I can book you in for
another chat same time next year.”
“Just a chat would be good,” she didn’t really have time to
wait in the pharmacy with all those sick people to pick up tablets.
Everyone loved Christmas Eve, Mrs Claus was no exception, this
was her favourite night of the year, she had the whole bed to herself, nice box
of chocolates, bottle of wine and a box set of Huge Grant DVDs to watch with no
Santa beside her snoring, farting and nicking all the blankets!
“I’ll see you same time next year. It’s always good to get
it off my chest. Merry Christmas doctor!” and with a smile she almost skipped
out of the room.
435 words
Ha ha ha, or maybe Ho ho ho... yup, I can imagine him fairly insufferable at this time of year! Great stuff Sarah!
ReplyDeleteClever POV! I imagine we all look at our significant others that way now and again *snort*
ReplyDeleteHa! It's about time we got the other side of the story! ;)
ReplyDeleteLove having the bed to myself too when hubby worked shift so know how she feels. An excellent pov, cleverly told. xx
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