A letter to... the fly on the wall

Today I'm trying out a new writing challenge it's called "letters to..."

Unlike most writing prompts I take part in this one is not about writing fiction, although I suppose there's nothing to stop you. Also this prompt is hosted by two Christians, Ruth and Sabrina so it has a different feel to it and is much more like my real life posts than the made up stories I write.

Here's how "letters to..." works.

Twice a month, we will provide you with a Letters To prompt and a welcoming space to share it.  The link-ups will be hosted alternately by Ruth at {learning one day at a time} and Sabrina at Just Keep Singing.  You can visit either site to find out the prompt. 

Today's prompt is letters to... the fly on the wall, although this one is really written to the fly that annoyingly buzzes around my bedroom just as I get into bed each night...

Oh you’re back are you, buzzing around my head again like my random thoughts as I lie here trying to sleep.

I really wish I could understand your buzzing, I wish you could tell me what you see in the other rooms of my house.

Youngest is sleeping soundly, I checked before I went to bed but oldest son, what’s he up to? I can still see a light beneath his tightly closed bedroom door.

It’s not that I want to spy on my teenage son but I wish I knew what went on in his head. 

Mr Fly do you know?

Are you privy to those hidden thoughts as you dart about the house?

What I’m really asking, what's really on my mind tonight, is how much do they miss their dad? 

I know I sometimes cry myself to sleep, even now almost three years on, caught up in a web of grief, sticky and sometimes so unrelenting. 

But the boys appear so detached from their emotions as if they have wrapped up their feelings in a box labelled DAD – DO NOT OPEN! 

I worry too much I suppose that they never want to TALK whereas I need to talk and write all the time just to keep my head straight, which could be why I’m now writing to you – the fly on the wall – my only company at midnight.

Is it just that boys are different from girls? 

I don’t know much about the transfer deadline window or how to put together a scalextric track. I feel like I fail them every day because I just don’t understand their world.

Am I good enough on my own to be both mum and dad to them?

Am I strong enough to hold all this together?

Am I brave enough for all the challenges that come my way?

Oh fly on the wall – I’ve asked too many questions and you will never truly understand.

But as I turn out the light and lay my head on the pillow you stop your incessant buzzing and in the silence I know there is someone who really does watch over us all and HE whispers...

“Go to sleep – please don’t worry, 

you are doing great!”

I wish I did always have that certainty and that I didn't keep doubting.

I wish that dratted fly would just buzz off!

Now it's your turn what would you write to ... the fly on the wall? 

55 word challenge - Dream Home

I'm really tired of late and keep waking up early for some unknown reason but I'm aware I've not written much fiction lately so last night I decided to have a go at Lisa McCourt Hollar's latest 55 word challenge.

It's only 55 little words I reasoned with myself but I could have written so much more to this story...

Dream Home

“We’re not spending my inheritance on this wreck.”

“Too late,” he thought surveying his land. 

Admittedly it would take maximum effort to create a dream home but as the saying goes “hard work never killed anyone”.

He didn’t expect her to lift a finger in the process.

Her death would be both tragic and accidental.

...sorry for the twisted ending but in the original "she" was whinging for the first 55 words, I had to shut her up and plot a sticky demise!

Writing fiction - the only place you can truly get away with murder and go to bed with a clear conscience. Last night I slept wonderfully and didn't wake until the alarm went off - maybe I should write more often!

Mr Blue Sky

This morning I was woken by a far more appropriate song - “Mr Blue Sky” by E.L.O.

Actually if I’m totally honest I was awake at half past 5 and drifted in and out of consciousness, alternating between contemplating an early start to my day and snuggling deeper under the duvet in hope of more much needed SLEEP.  When the radio alarm went off this was the first song that registered in my brain.

“Mr Blue Sky” reminds me of Andrew and resonates so much more since his funeral.  It is a song I have to turn the volume up for.  This morning it was the song that finally got me throwing back the covers and jumping out of bed.

When we planned the funeral we had a private family service at the crematorium before the larger and it must be said livelier church thanksgiving service.  The funeral director asked for music to play as we entered and left the crematorium.

The song played as we followed the coffin in was Van Morrison “Have I Told You Lately”, as far as I can tell it was the last song Andrew played on his iPod.  Every day he would say – “Have I told you today that I love you?”  It was very apt and surprisingly romantic – sniffs back tears, I’m trying not to cry so much when I write, it doesn’t do the laptop any good to be dripped on!

For a song to leave I was advised to choose something happier.  “Mr Blue Sky” was the song that literally dropped into my brain.  It was certainly the right era of music for Andrew and I remember him liking E.L.O. although I couldn’t tell you which song was his actual favourite track.

A bit later this morning as I was driving I couldn't help but notice that most of the heavens were a dull November grey but right there in the middle was a slash of BLUE sky edged with magnificent sparkling sunlight.

Along with the great song to wake up to that has set the day up nicely!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

If you want to find out what I had to say about Andrew at the funeral you can read it here on unravelling-edges.  

"One I prepared earlier"

And no I haven’t forgotten the picture quiz – I might just write another post later today – I really am having too much fun writing “re-ravelling”!