No Rainbows Today!

Over the last few days I have been full of cold and feeling rather sorry for myself. When I got back from church oldest son was quietly revising for his last exam tomorrow, I’d managed to get a friend to look after youngest son for a couple of hours so I was all set to curl up on the sofa under a blanket with a lemsip and a movie.

“Notting Hill” – I decided as I drove home, a bit of romance and Hugh Grant – perfect. Only when I checked I realised I don’t have it on DVD, I had a video copy but I got rid of all my videos a while ago, with a view to downsizing and moving to a smaller house.

I choose "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" instead – no Hugh Grant but I reasoned it would remind me that I wasn’t too old for romance and adventure, even if I do still have to wait until the boys have left home I’ve hopefully got plenty of years ahead of me!

So I was merrily planning a blog post with this theme while enjoying the film when the phone rang. I paused the DVD.

Youngest son wanted to come home, he’d been fed but wanted his own space. In return he promised to leave me alone in peace.

I snuggled back under the blanket and pressed play, I watched another half an hour or so with maybe one or two minor interruptions. 

There was an almighty thunderstorm, which I stopped the film to watch. The drive had turned into a river. Still pondering today's blog I thought maybe I could write about thunder and lightning and the first time I wasn’t scared of a storm – I’ve filed that away for another day now – it would make a good post.

The storm passed and I continued the film.

Suddenly there was a heated argument in the hall between the boys ending with the ominous sound of breaking glass, a lot of crying and a shout of “mum!”

Thankfully it wasn’t quite as dramatic as the noise suggested, a football had been kicked in the porch and a window was smashed. No injuries, no blood and that particular pane of glass had been cracked for years.

More shouting followed, this time from me as I sent both boys upstairs and set about clearing the debris.

I’m fortunate really, I have two boys and we’ve never had many serious incidents like this.

However glass had shattered EVERYWHERE, mostly on the gravel in front of the porch but some shards had reached and scratched the car, bits were under the car and when I investigated further I found fragments on the roof too!

Carefully I collected every piece as the rain started to fall again. It was a sunshine and showers sort of a day. I looked up half hoping a see a rainbow, a promise from God that this too would pass and everything would be alright.

But there were no rainbows for me today and actually for once I didn’t mind. I didn’t need a new promise, I’m holding on to all the old ones and today they are enough to keep me going.

At church this morning we had a chance to share something we are thankful for and I shared twice! Firstly for the kitchen floor and hot and cold running water. Secondly this week a little girl said hello to me in the supermarket followed by telling her mum, “she comes into to school to tell us bible stories.” It’s lovely to get this reaction to our Open the Book team assemblies.

Once I started counting my blessings I remembered more. 

A walk with friends, my growing veg patch, a compliment and an insurance cheque in the post.

Despite feeling rotten, having a half-finished kitchen and having a funeral song in the service for the second week running which has made me cry, I know God is holding me tightly and won’t let go. Rainbow or no rainbow.

Another blessing today was that my friend’s husband came round to board up the window, it meant another interruption to my afternoon but eventually I watched the Marigold Hotel to the end in peace.

Here’s one of the great quotes from the film…

“Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end.”

Sounds good to me!

I have a plan!

Today I had a kitchen designer measuring up for my new kitchen. It’s all very exciting – I have never had a brand new kitchen before but always made do with what’s already there.

To Andrew our kitchen was functional so it was never high on his list of priorities for a makeover, unlike building a train room and a scalectrix room - just what every home needs!

Well we have lived here now for nearly 10 years and it’s time I got what I WANT for a change.

There’s been much deliberating since Andrew died about home improvements. At first I was all set to move. That was my great plan and I set the wheels in motion a mere six months after becoming a widow by putting the house on the market.

It all made perfect sense, the house was too big for three of us, the garden impossible to keep on top of and the location all wrong.

But then nothing happened.

We only had two potential buyers round in a year; the housing market has been incredibly depressed so for my own peace of mind I took the house off the market. Another bold, rash step? Maybe but I’ve been a bit more settled in the last few months.

I’ve planted fruit trees, had double glazing fitted and decorated my bedroom – which reminds me I never did show you a photo…

Bold, bright and luscious lime!

So does this mean I’m set to stay now? I was not entirely sure, still feeling a bit dithery about it all and this was only exacerbated the other day when I found a flyer in the letterbox from a local estate agent.

They have reputable buyers on their mailing lists and spring is a great time to sell.

It put me in another tizz – was this a sign I should put the house on the market again?

Now I wrote a post the other day called Doodling with Jesus, drawing in the dust seemed to work for him as a way to solve the problems at hand. So I metaphorically doodled (and daydreamed) and suddenly I realised I had come up with a plan.

It’s a three year sensible plan and it goes something like this…

I suspect now that I will never get to live in the town I long to call home, the town where the kids are at school, where we go to church, the place where most of my friends live. It will always be a seven minute drive away from us.

And that is OK because in just over 3 years’ time, oldest son will have finished his A levels and be off to follow his own new adventures. Youngest son will have just completed his GCSEs. In a lot of ways it will be a perfect time to move. Possibly not even a little move but a bigger one, maybe nearer my parents, I don’t really know and for now I can accept a little bit of uncertainty.

Because during the next three years, I can enjoy my new kitchen, reap the benefits of my new boiler and double glazing and I can one day eat the greengages from my own tree!

Obviously last time I came up with a plan God had other ideas and things just didn’t work out quite as expected so I hold all these things lightly because I have found that only one thing is ever certain

…if you have a plan God is sure to surprise you with something else!

Watch this space…

Windows

Once upon a time when between “proper” jobs I signed up with an employment agency.

I was young and naïve but I had a piece of paper in my hand saying I had achieved a 2:2 in a Library and Information Studies degree. So my skills and talents were undisputed.

A job came up at a big chemical company nearby. The job description was “something” to do with windows.

Now what I am about to confess is probably the biggest blonde moment of my life and I can’t remember telling anyone this story in confidence let alone sharing on social media for the whole wide world to see!

I sat through most of interview looking at the window in the room unsure if the job require me to take an inventory of all the physical windows on the plant or Windows was some computer jargon!

Goodness knows what they thought of this bumbling idiot answering questions in a vague wishy washy manner. Obviously not sufficiently qualified in either building materials or computer science for the task at hand.

You have to remember this was half a lifetime ago and in technology terms this was practically the dark ages!

Needless to say I didn’t get the position.

Windows were in the news yesterday introducing their latest operating system Windows 8, see I am a lot more computer savvy now!

Actually I am far ahead of the game, having my very own windows update installed as I type!

Windows - six

Windows - eight

PLEASE NOTE: these windows are NOT touch screen, please do not leave sticky finger prints on the glass.