It's been one of "those" days...

Rain again, big heavy drops of it bouncing on the roof – it was sunny an hour ago but now the blue skies have been obliterated once more by dirty grey clouds.

It’s been one of “those” days.

A friend posted a gorgeous photo of a rainbow on his facebook page. His office is high up so the view of colour tumbling to the streets below was particularly striking.

No rainbows here – I’ve searched – it’s hopeless.

It’s been one of “those” days.

Sunshine and showers.

Laughter and tears.

Tissues and chocolate required in equal measure.

And now my free time is running out, being squeezed just as the words start to flow.

But I just needed to tell you…

It’s been one of “those” days.

A stolen rainbow!

No Rainbows Today!

Over the last few days I have been full of cold and feeling rather sorry for myself. When I got back from church oldest son was quietly revising for his last exam tomorrow, I’d managed to get a friend to look after youngest son for a couple of hours so I was all set to curl up on the sofa under a blanket with a lemsip and a movie.

“Notting Hill” – I decided as I drove home, a bit of romance and Hugh Grant – perfect. Only when I checked I realised I don’t have it on DVD, I had a video copy but I got rid of all my videos a while ago, with a view to downsizing and moving to a smaller house.

I choose "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" instead – no Hugh Grant but I reasoned it would remind me that I wasn’t too old for romance and adventure, even if I do still have to wait until the boys have left home I’ve hopefully got plenty of years ahead of me!

So I was merrily planning a blog post with this theme while enjoying the film when the phone rang. I paused the DVD.

Youngest son wanted to come home, he’d been fed but wanted his own space. In return he promised to leave me alone in peace.

I snuggled back under the blanket and pressed play, I watched another half an hour or so with maybe one or two minor interruptions. 

There was an almighty thunderstorm, which I stopped the film to watch. The drive had turned into a river. Still pondering today's blog I thought maybe I could write about thunder and lightning and the first time I wasn’t scared of a storm – I’ve filed that away for another day now – it would make a good post.

The storm passed and I continued the film.

Suddenly there was a heated argument in the hall between the boys ending with the ominous sound of breaking glass, a lot of crying and a shout of “mum!”

Thankfully it wasn’t quite as dramatic as the noise suggested, a football had been kicked in the porch and a window was smashed. No injuries, no blood and that particular pane of glass had been cracked for years.

More shouting followed, this time from me as I sent both boys upstairs and set about clearing the debris.

I’m fortunate really, I have two boys and we’ve never had many serious incidents like this.

However glass had shattered EVERYWHERE, mostly on the gravel in front of the porch but some shards had reached and scratched the car, bits were under the car and when I investigated further I found fragments on the roof too!

Carefully I collected every piece as the rain started to fall again. It was a sunshine and showers sort of a day. I looked up half hoping a see a rainbow, a promise from God that this too would pass and everything would be alright.

But there were no rainbows for me today and actually for once I didn’t mind. I didn’t need a new promise, I’m holding on to all the old ones and today they are enough to keep me going.

At church this morning we had a chance to share something we are thankful for and I shared twice! Firstly for the kitchen floor and hot and cold running water. Secondly this week a little girl said hello to me in the supermarket followed by telling her mum, “she comes into to school to tell us bible stories.” It’s lovely to get this reaction to our Open the Book team assemblies.

Once I started counting my blessings I remembered more. 

A walk with friends, my growing veg patch, a compliment and an insurance cheque in the post.

Despite feeling rotten, having a half-finished kitchen and having a funeral song in the service for the second week running which has made me cry, I know God is holding me tightly and won’t let go. Rainbow or no rainbow.

Another blessing today was that my friend’s husband came round to board up the window, it meant another interruption to my afternoon but eventually I watched the Marigold Hotel to the end in peace.

Here’s one of the great quotes from the film…

“Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end.”

Sounds good to me!

More sunshine than raindrops

Splash, I feel the rain drop on my hand as I hang out my second load of washing for the day.

The sky is getting a bit cloudier and according to my friend, who is very reliable in these matters it is set to rain this afternoon. I don’t know how she does it but she always manages to find the most accurate weather forecasts, a useful and sometimes annoying trait!

For the time being I am undeterred, there is certainly more sunshine than raindrops and the washing is getting a good blow but I’m keeping an eye out for any change.

It’s been a good day so far; a productive one and I won’t let a little rain spoil things.

I have had a skip delivered to dump all my kitchen debris in, there is lots of banging and clattering going on downstairs as the old cupboards are disassembled.

The new kitchen cupboards have been delivered and I have had the insurance assessor round to agree to with the quote for the kitchen ceiling repairs. 

With some help I’ve started the sit on lawn mower and I have cut the grass, well the top lawn at any rate.

Now I’m just waiting for the plumber to turn up and fit the new water tank. I am getting excited about the prospect of HOT running water and a luscious soak in the bath tonight.

Oh yes it’s been a very busy day all round.

So I have turned my attention to some forward planning.

I never wrote about it on my blog last week but any friends who follow me on Twitter and Facebook will know that I lost a hard disc drive.

Andrew had the "M-Drive" connected into our home computer network and it had stopped working months ago, I thought as a result of a computer crash downstairs – my computer knowledge is pretty basic – that was Andrew’s department. 

I decided to try and connect it to my laptop, there are documents on there I need access to if I am going to turn unravelling-edges into a book. It was also where we stored our family photos and who knows what other gems beside.

Fortunately I took the hard drive with me to the computer shop and asked how to connect it, I thought it was just a question of buying a lead with the correct adaptors.

The woman plugged it in and it started making the familiar whirring sound.

Now I always thought this was normal but apparently it’s not a good sign. 

“A noisy hard drive is a broken hard drive.” Were her exact wise words as she extolled the virtues of backing up documents.

I left the black box with her so she can try to gain access to its deepest darkest recesses, meanwhile I bought a new memory stick and I have been copying files all morning.

Most of my writing is on my blog, accessible to EVERYONE but there are some bits I am working on that I have never backed up, at least not since the M-Drive stopped working. 

And the thing is my laptop has started making noises, suspicious sounding whirring electronic clunking noises that I now recognise as not being terribly healthy. I suspect my laptop may be coming to the end of its life and I NEED to be prepared. 

I’m not getting caught out again, if I’ve learnt nothing else over the past few weeks with the saga of the water tank it’s always listen to your intuition and get things sorted sooner rather than later.

And as I finish this post the rain is coming down. It started to fall just as I pulled out of the drive on the school run.

Fortunately my workman, who's also the husband of the friend with the accurate weather forecasting skills, got the washing in for me.

So it’s just a little damp – no harm done there - a little rain never hurt anyone :-)

Weather Forecast

I predict a bumpy road ahead with heavy and persistent showers, chances of any sunny spells or rainbows are negligible…

Youngest son didn’t want to go to church with me this morning which makes me feel like the world’s worst parent even if logically I know he has as much free will as I do.

Then we sang a song that we sang at our wedding almost 18 years ago, when life was a shiny new adventure and not a long hard slog through treacle.

The weather outside really is BLEAK and very wet.

Apparently the weather tomorrow is supposed to be sunny so I should get my walk with friends, but I’m not counting my chickens or holding my breath.

Tigger has well and truly bounced off and I am left with holding Eeyore.

My mood swings are getting me down and I wonder how much longer my friends will put up with me and my tears. One friend has already run out of tissues and we are now working through her supply of Burger King napkins!

I know there no sense or rhyme or reason to what I’ve written but it’s how I feel right now this minute, so I'm sharing.

On the bright side, there is a tiny sliver of one, I am going out with the boys for lunch with an old friend, the day has to get better…

Rainy Day Records

You know those jobs you promise yourself you will tackle on a rainy day well today was such a day, wet and miserable outside yet clear inside with no appointments or commitments.

So I decided to forgo the filing, leave the laundry and head up to the loft to sort out Andrew’s Den.

When we moved here the first task was to extend upwards into the loft. This house used to belong to the ironstone mine owner and the loft was used as the mine’s offices so there was space up there for three extra rooms, plus storage.

Andrew wanted a train room and a den to play his records. Depending on his mood he could pretend to be a train driver or a DJ.

Over the past seventeen months (is it really that long?) I have left the den to its own devices. Occasionally I have ventured up there and the boys have had the scalextric out but I confess there were still crisp crumbs on the mixing desk!

It is bin day tomorrow so I was ruthless in my throwing out and removed a thick layer of dust from all the surfaces. There’s an unusual aroma of pledge up there now that Andrew wouldn’t approve of.

I wouldn’t say it’s spotless, the carpet still needs a good hoover but with half the scalextric track out I am leaving that for another rainy day.

What I really wanted to sort out today was Andrew’s record collection. He had over a thousand singles and several albums.

I started with the albums, keeping what were mine to start with, adding a few of Andrew’s that took my fancy.

The singles were much more fun to go through. We would sometimes find records to play to each other seeing if the other person could guess the artist, the song, the year. I wish we had played that game more often.

Music was the passion we had most in common, Andrew asked me out at a radio station, getting rid of the record collection is a huge step but I can’t take 5 boxes of records everywhere I go. I have to leave some things behind to build a new life.

I have kept the ones that mean the most to me, songs I really like, some from before I knew Andrew existed.

See You by Depeche Mode always reminds me of youth club.

I remember exactly where I was when True by Spandau Ballet got to number one.

Stars on 45 reminds me of the fair, it seemed to be playing for every ride I went on.

I Will Always Love You comes from The Bodyguard, the first film Andrew took me to see.

Andrew talked in his sleep so Crystal Gayle singing Talking in Your Sleep became a favourite often quoted song.

Number 777 in his collection (yes everything was catalogued) Don’t Leave Me This Way by the Communards, one of my favourite songs to dance to that I would make Andrew play at every disco. Sadly I missed most of the disco years; it was only after he died I discovered the best DJ trophy he won!

Fool if you Think it’s Over by Elkie Brooks was a suggestions Andrew made for his own funeral although we never played it.

And Gilbert O'Sullivan, Alone Again (Naturally) … well just because!

While sorting out I played some records and sang along, belting out the Bonnie Tyler hits and trilling along with Tiffany, so glad this house is detached!

I shed a few tears and shouted at Andrew for leaving such a mess of broken stuff behind.

By the end I’d condensed my happy memories into two small boxes that I will keep with me.

A few records I shall give away. 

As for the rest…

…I’m not entirely sure. I want to find somewhere deserving for them or to sell them and give the money to charity, maybe the heart foundation as Andrew died from a heart attack.

If you can help in any way or have a suggestion please get in touch and if there’s an old 45 you would like for your collection just ask me, if I have it I will send it on to you…