For no apparent reason the other day I started crying. Grief
once more rearing its head, spitefully poking me until the tears flowed like an
unwelcome acquaintance.
At the time I was standing with a friend. She is glamorous,
slender, always made up to perfection and wears her hair stylishly short.
Beside her in my jeans and sweatshirt I feel positively old
and frumpy.
Pulling my woolly hat from my head I asked what I should do
with my hair.
It has always been long, apart from once having a bob but I
soon grew it out.
Andrew, a typical man, liked it long and hated me going to
the hairdressers, he worried I would get it all chopped off and how I used to
tease him that I just might!
My dad is another matter altogether. He likes to stir things
up a bit and playing devil’s advocate he says I should wear my hair short. “It
will always grow.” He retorts with glee.
Actually despite their disagreement in how I have my hair
cut my dad and Andrew really had a lot in common. Andrew had that awkward
streak about him too. Always being controversial just for the sake of it. Arguing black is white for fun.
Maybe that’s why I married him, maybe girls marry a man like
their father in the same way we become like our mothers. There is some kind of
inevitability about it.
My friend’s advice was I should grow my hair again. Although
hers is short she wishes it was longer and claims it is not stylish but a mess!
Isn’t that always the way?
So I am caught in the middle of my dad and my husband. Whose
opinion matters most?
I have come to the conclusion - MINE!
And that’s the thing, I can ask as many friends as I want
but what’s going to make ME feel great?
Yes I can get my hair cut short now without offending
Andrew. I can wear make-up and perfume to my heart’s content, always aspiring
to look more like my glamorous friend.
I love to dress up and I sometimes wish I had more time to
apply my make-up and do my nails but then there are days when I’m happiest in
my jeans, not having to make an effort before I cross the threshold to meet the
outside world.
Just because I CAN re-invent myself doesn’t mean I HAVE to.
“There was nothing wrong with the old Sarah!” said another
friend when I shared these thoughts with her.
And my hair? Well I think it may be a little while before I
see the hairdresser again because personally I like my hair long too!
Oh dear Sarah...you are so wonderfully normal...I identify with so much of what you say.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with self confidence and yet everyone says I appear confident and self assured....I hang on to the knowldege that God knows the real me and loves me..but it sure ain't easy on a bad-hair day or when I am asked to do something, or walk down the street, or get caught out with an untidied house, or, or or.....
I once attempted to lighten my hair and it turned green!! The only remedy it seemed, was to cut it off...ooops then I had to face my parents!!!
love you Sarah cos you are beautiful on the inside and the outside xxx
Its your hair Sarah so you decide what makes you feel good about yourself and the good thing about hair is it will grow back. I had mine cut short in 1990 and have only very occassionally, momentarily wished it was longer again (usually when I see a really pretty hair slide! or really want to dress up and put my hair up!) Mxx
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