When Andrew first died my most hated question was...
“how are you doing?”
…or any variation
on that theme.
When I really couldn’t cope with answering I eventually
settled on the replying...
“can
you ask a different question today?”
The truth was I didn’t know the answer myself most of the
time. Or I was trying to carry on regardless of the answer, one foot in front of the other because
sometimes that’s all you can do.
People asked out of politeness but I wondered
if they wanted the REAL reply? The brutally honest one that showed the
depth of my despair.
So often I replied I was "OK" when I was far from it.
Maybe I am being unkind and ungrateful. I have plenty of
friends who have helped me through but close friends don’t always ask they just
know. They just hand you a tissue and give you a hug with perfect timing.
Now I am faced with a new dreaded question...
“Any news about your house?”
(I’ve just been on the phone to my brother and it was the
first thing he asked.)
The house has been on the market for almost a year now and in
that time I have only had 2 viewings. You will know how despondent I am about
the situation as I even advertised it on here the other week!
What really gets me about the “anything happening with your
house?” question is if SOMETHING was happening everyone would know about it - I
would be shouting from the rooftops and I would tell you before you had a
chance to even ask!
When I first put the house on the market I prayed God
it’s all up to you, I shall leave it in your capable hands.
But the waiting is torture! Like Sarah in the Bible I
wonder if there’s more I can do to move things forward when the situation seems
impossible. Read yesterday’s blog.
I still trust God; that his timing will be perfect and he
has the best house for me and the boys but maybe I should be praying instead of
whinging?
I’m whinging a lot – huffing and puffing often convinced I
will still be here in my dotage.
I’m praying very little.
Yesterday I read Anita’s blog and she wrote about asking
God for the things we want. After all He is our heavenly father and loves to give
us good gifts.
I don’t think God’s forgotten about me, although I often
think I am in some far off pending pile, to be dealt with later.
He knows what I want, the desires of my heart but he also
teaches us to pray continually and persistently.
So here’s my prayer today...
God forgive me
for my stubbornness, the little piece of me that won’t pray, the me that digs
her heels in and prefers to moan instead talk to you. Forgive me when my doubt
outweighs my faith.
You know the desires of my heart and know how eager I am to
start a new life in a new home. Help this come to fruition, please bring me a
buyer and give me a new home that is better than I can even imagine.
Amen
Oh Sarah, this sounds like the most gorgeous house, and if i had the money, I'd buy it in a moment. I'd love to run a retreat centre.
ReplyDeleteWhere is the house located? I will help put the word out. Can you forward me the ad to anitamathias1 ATgmail.com.
Have you thought of running a retreat centre (and a B and B until the former takes off) yourself? Then you would be self-employed and have time for writing. I love staying at retreat centres!!
Blessings, Anita