The notebook I have been using to jot down my NaNo ideas is not new. I have too many unfinished notebooks to extravagantly just buy another one – I am too thrifty for my own good sometimes!
It is quite usual for me to have several books on the go at once, littered around the house, I grab the nearest when I want one. I work on the principle of serendipity, that I will find the notes when I need them for inspiration.
While flicking through this particular notebook, a pink hard backed book, a present from my brother one birthday, I discovered a written prayer.
I don’t always write my prayers down but occasionally I find it a useful method and it can be enlightening reading back over my relationship with God and how it has developed, or not - oh how often my life goes round and round and I seem back at an all too familiar sticking point!
I decided to share this prayer with you originally written Oct 5th 2010.
God show me today once again
Where you want me to be
What you want me to do
Let me write and express
Let me use my gifts to show your love
To inspire and the challenge
Take me on a journey
You have led the way
Now let me follow
I can dream so wildly
But take and tame my thoughts
And bend them to your own
I know my worth
I am loved by you
And that makes me a
PRINCESS in your courts
Let me live your fairytale
What amazes me most about this prayer is that it was written about six weeks before Andrew died and God has answered my prayer in that he has taken me on a journey full of more twists and turns than I could ever have imagined.
In some ways my prayer was a very “dangerous” one, placing myself and my story in God’s hands acknowledging his might and power.
There are similarities to Esther in the Bible, the Esther that I am writing about for NaNoWriMo. I may even adapt these words to fit Esther’s story.
I’ve always believed writing this particular story is something God wants me to do, maybe finding this prayer was no co-incidence. God is reminding me of my side of the bargain if you like and gently urging me on, whispering in my ear - don't give up.
Sharing this prayer is another way of standing my ground, making myself in some ways accountable to my readers and being a reminder that although I have slowed down my writing pace I should NEVER stop altogether.