Tuesday 12 February 2013

My #LoveBites Anti♥Valentine Blog Hop Story

A Guide to Dating for the Clueless

 

Derek believed his talents were wasted as a postman; he would have made an excellent detective.

Birthday cards, bills and bank statements all passed through his hands, clues to the lives lived behind the letterboxes.

Crystal at number 26 was a popular girl usually receiving lots of letters but her post box was distinctly empty on Valentine’s Day. 

To investigate he followed her discretely to the bus stop watching her cry for a bit before approaching.

She declined the screwed up handkerchief he offered but smiled so politely he took a chance and asked her on a date.

He was sure he hadn’t accidently spat on her, it was a mild affliction he suffered with, although he remembered salivating when she accepted.

The local cinema was showing his favourite film, Psycho. When she said she’d never seen this classic he took this as a cue to educate her and waxed lyrically about the beautifully portrayed mother son relationship.

He couldn’t comprehend why she hid her face behind her manicured fingers for so much of the film. She completely missed all the best bits.

When the film finished he insisted on driving her home, a gentlemanly gesture saving her from catching the last bus home.

But she practically opened the car door before he even stopped and he was a little perplexed why she shunned his advances for a goodnight kiss.

He couldn’t quite figure out what had gone wrong with the evening.

There must be some clue he had overlooked.


24 comments:

  1. Awe!! The poor postman!
    I just wanna huge him and hand him a cookie.
    Great job, my friend. *high-five*

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    1. "Poor Postman!" I didn't get letters for weeks after this incident...

      OK so it's not all entirely true, I embellished a litte bit! Writers prerogative!

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    2. Well, in that case! I know a vengeance demon... *wink*

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    3. Hilarious!
      I am thinking of 'The Postman Rings Twice' not so in your case. Are you sure he wasn't called Norman?

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  2. Poor guy, really didn't have a clue, not sure he'll get the message either. She might just find herself with a stalker...

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    1. some people never get it - think he's in a world of his own.

      Was going to end it with him deciding to try his luck with the woman from number 22 instead but I ran out of words!

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  3. I loved this, it's funny how we never see ourselves how others see us. Great entry :)

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  4. With the sentence "He was sure he hadn’t accidently spat on her," it meant that she looked at him with disdain for asking. I was waiting for the moment he went psycho on her - lots of tension. Not sure he has given up on her! Spooky! Nice.

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    1. I'm not sure if she does look on him with distain, not even sure why she accepts his invitation, maybe to get back at all those men who didn't send her a Valentine!

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  5. Oh ye gods! Have you been reading my diaries?? I have been on dates like this, only one time around, obviously but .... hilarious!

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    1. I've been on one not too dissimilar - thought it would be fun to turn it around and look at things from a different perspective!

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  6. This one hits lots of raw nerves for me. Ouch. But well written.

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    1. You always strike me as being far more sensitive than this clueless idiot - he didn't even buy my popcorn and I'm sure my tummy rumbled all through the movie - including the best bits! ;-)

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  7. I love that he was so smart about external things - observing the empty box and so on - but totally clueless about the internal things - personal relationships and polite conversations!! Terrific read!! :)

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  8. Lol.. How naturally that flowed.. Poor old postman.. I really enjoyed it..xx

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  9. Oh dear. . . . although at one one point I feared he was a psycho . . and worried for Crystal . . . . but now I worry for him in his quest for love. Fab read. x

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  10. It's nice to know that, as lame as I've felt many a day, I was better than...the postman. :) Wonderful story!

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  11. Nice and creepy. I can feel the awkwardness from here. Nice job!

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  12. Funny/creepy brilliance. Not an easy mix. Very well done.

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  13. LOL I've met people like Derek. Very well portrayed, I loved it :)

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  14. That last line is killer.... Great stuff.

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  15. I love it!!! Psycho for a first date movie? Seriously—we've all been there. What killed me most was waxing prosaic about the "Mother-Son" relationship in the film—lol! I hope this gets anthologized somewhere. It's a gem <3

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