Yesterday I wrote a prayer and I decided to share it because this is how I’ve been feeling recently, slightly out of sorts and unbalanced.
Oldest son has moved on to the next stage of life - A levels, he's growing in independence yet he still needs me. Meanwhile youngest son will be choosing options this year. Things are changing for them while I seem to be stuck in a deep rut going nowhere!
I’ve been spending too much time on things I shouldn’t be, worrying about stuff that’s unimportant in the grand scheme of life, shutting the door on the issues I can't face and neglecting the one relationship that should mean the most – the relationship between me and my heavenly father.
God I know we’ve not spent much time together recently
Well at least I’ve not found time for you
I know you’ve been speaking to me
You’ve presented me with the gift of rainbow, a glint of sunshine, a beautiful flower
“Yes” I say with indifference as I wave you on your way
And carry on with my own schemes
But I know the absence of you in my days is what’s making my life off balance
I wobble and fall over and cry
And part of me wants to just wallow in my misery
“Nobody cares” I wail as I press the self-destruct button and bite my nails, all the while hiding under a baggy jumper
But that’s so untrue
I have so many friends and they love me, they really do
Even the ones that have seen me at almost my very worst!
If even they forgive me the odd bad mood and sharp word how much more will you always be there?
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” I whisper as I climb up on your knee
Tears run down my face
“I’ve made a mess AGAIN!”
Let me rest here a while
Let me sleep in your loving arms
And when I wake be the centre of my day…