Thursday, 29 March 2012

Losing Perspective

I am very fortunate that I have reached the grand old age of 44 and still have a living grandparent. My Nana is 85 today, making her nearly a whole year younger than my mother-in-law (we squeezed an extra generation into our family tree).

My mum and I are often comparing notes over the phone on the “oldies” in our life. My mother-in-law has been practically rebuilt with 2 new knees and 2 new hips; she has hearing aids, false teeth and glasses.

My nana is a bit more nimble on her feet, depending on who’s watching her, but her biggest obstacle is her eyesight. She has dry macular degeneration in one eye and wet macular degeneration in the other! Today she is having some procedure performed which will hopefully ease some of the problems and improve her vision.

It must be terrible to live in a world where you can’t see things clearly. Sometimes I wonder which of the senses it would be more bearable to lose if I really had to pick and I always come to the conclusion that they are all vital!

There are times when we lose our way because we don’t see clearly, not necessarily in the visual sense but the sense of seeing what we’ve got, appreciating things or in the sense of understanding and having a clear path to follow.

It can’t have escaped your notice I’ve not written for a couple of days which is unusual. I’ve once again been pondering if my words make any sense, doubting if you want to hear about the silly little things going on in my world.

When I started all of this I shared what it was like to lose a husband, in a lot of ways far worse than losing any of the five senses. 

Now I am more often writing about daily living, bringing up the boys on my own, in other words more trivial stuff. Possibly things that more people can relate to but there are so many others out there writing much the same!

It was not only my writing that was suffering from lack of direction that was merely a symptom of my general mood.

We seem to have been catapulted into summer. It’s almost like we have a lost a couple of months along the way and I know several people who have been feeling out of sorts.

Suddenly it’s imperative to get the outside gardening jobs completed before the spring cleaning has even started. Not that I am great at either but I think it’s a good analogy.

I remember last year when I desperately wanted the months to fly by. To be able to somehow remove myself even further away from the point at which I had become a widow, for things to have already settled down into a new reality.

But the fact is we have to live through each season at the right time. We need time to process our emotions and deal with the pain. I can say with confidence now that it doesn’t get easier, you have to learn to cope but when people tell you that in the early days you don’t want to believe the unpalatable truths.

This unseasonal weather is a blip - I hate to bring doom and gloom but temperatures are set to drop again at the weekend. And personally I really need some time in the house to sort some things out. I need the grass to stop growing for a bit, I need a rainy day when all I can do is stay in and sort out my clutter.

I need the time and space to regain my lost perspective and see things clearly. A time to write, putting my thoughts into order.

A friend added this to her Facebook page and it fits my mood at the moment. 

Let's hope I can keep perspective, focus and aim and that something spectacular is just up ahead!

1 comment:

  1. "When you reach your destination the journey's just begun." Words from A Mary Black song. Sums up life quite succinctly I think. I hope your way ahead clears and you gain a fresh perspective for the next step of your journey. Perhaps a clearing of clutter both physically an metaphorically is what is needed to enable a clearer perspective.