When I wrote my blog last night I was not in a great mood. I’ve come to expect that nothing exciting will ever happen to me again and although I tried to temper the bitterness of my words I know it is there between every line.
Some days are tough and there are times when I wonder if I will ever experience the joys of being in a relationship again or the pleasure of going away without the cares and worries associated with organising child care.
Youngest son had two days off school as he felt unwell and oldest son was subdued yesterday and I can’t fathom out the answer why.
I have two children completely dependent on ME alone and I can’t see a time when they won’t need me. They always will.
The only time I have completely to myself is between the hours of 9 and 3, term time only. Don’t ask me to do anything outside these parameters because it isn’t going to happen without a lot of careful planning and forethought.
After posting my slightly pessimistic blog I stepped outside to put the guinea pigs away for the night. It was one of those beautiful clear evenings and I stopped and looked at the stars above. I’d never really noticed before but they really do twinkle!
I’m not so blonde that I was spotting aeroplanes by mistake I could tell the difference - aircraft flicker while moving in straight lines.
The longer you watch the night sky the more you see. There is a whole universe out there and we are such a tiny speck.
It reminded me of Psalm 8; here it is in The Message version
I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
Your handmade sky-jewellery,
Moons and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?
Like King David who wrote that Psalm so many years ago it’s easy to feel small and insignificant. Here we are “mere mortals”, as it says in another translation. Does God care about our trivial worries?
In the grand scheme of things I have at least been married and had children; at seventeen I wondered if a boy would ever like me enough to even kiss me!
The Psalm continues
Yet we’ve so narrowly missed being gods,
Bright with Eden’s dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
Repeated to us your Genesis charge,
Made us lords of sheep and cattle,
Even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
Whales singing in the ocean deeps.
God, brilliant Lord
Your name echoes around the world.
Seeing the stars last night reminded me of God’s awesome power and wonder.
The Psalm reminds me that I am part of His glorious creation and whatever you create is precious, a blog, a birthday card, a child, a star.
God hasn’t forgotten me and my seemingly lowly plight in the valley of the doldrums despite everything else that is going on.
I’ve been texting a friend while typing this and these words she sent to me are perfect to finish with today. They let me know all hope is not lost and soothe away this temporary pain and bitterness …
One thing is certain – God really loves me