Ok I lied - I didn't take enough care and attention with my last visual dare story, I rushed it to be the first story posted and it's been bothering me all week.
So Angela Goff I give back my "Creative Cow Award" and offer you instead a story of 150 words, far better than the original because it doesn't miss out some important bits!
Hope you agree this is an improvement....
Jack and the Cow
Jack still believed in fairytales even at the grand old age
of eighty two.
Trouble was he couldn’t always remember how they worked out
in the end…
He had just swapped a handful of beans from his pocket for a
cow and now his biggest problem was how to get the blessed beast home!
On the back of the tram he spied an advert for milk, taking
this as a sign he led the cow forward.
Her front legs were up on the step but she was struggling
with her hindquarters.
A crowd had formed, chattering loudly, but no one came
to help him.
Suddenly a young man
was by his side.
“Grandpa, I’ve just sold Daisy for these magic beans.”
Jack was so mesmerised by the coloured gems that he quickly
forgot about the cow…
While his grandson tenderly led him away the onlookers watched,
frustration melting into pity.
And the lesson I've learned is don't rush a story and make it fit a certain amount of words, some tales are naturally longer and if you over edit you can lose the plot!
150 words is still FLASH Fiction!
And if you want to find out more read this weeks Five Sentence Fiction entitled Devotion.
AyyyyyyyMEN!! There is such a thing as overediting!!
ReplyDeleteYou're right. The few extra words really sets this one off.
I think you still deserve that Creative Cow Award - simply because I have such a soft spot in my heart for Jack and his magic beans!!
Glad I get to keep my "Creative Cow" - I was getting quite attached to it!
DeleteTotally agree that this was much more complete with the extra words, I did like the first one but this is better. Glad you revisited :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura - sometimes you just know something isn't quite right!
DeleteI also love how it fits with Devotion, which is just beautiful!
ReplyDeleteSome characters just need more words written about them and I enjoyed writing the contrasting points of view.
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