Today's story is inspired by Lillie McFerrin's Five Sentence Fiction
What it’s all about:
Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist.
Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to
participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word.
The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for
direction.
This week: FOGGY
She must be lost, he convinced himself, no doubt somewhere
between the lake turn off and the McPherson place.
That narrow road twisted with several places a stranger
could take a wrong turn even on the brightest day but it was far trickier to navigate
the woods in this weather, the fog had closed in snugly like a smothering
embrace.
In contrast to his jittery heart the pasta sat drained and congealing
by the stove.
Offhandedly he stirred the Bolognese sauce one more time; it
was the only dish he knew how to cook.
He reached for his car keys and with a deep sigh blew out
the candle he’d placed on table; a wax fountain sprayed on the freshly laundered
cloth.
I like this ... I hope she's OK and is just running late ...
ReplyDeleteWas going to add "...like droplets of blood." to the final sentence to imply all might not be well, but I deleted it, maybe she has stood him up instead?
ReplyDeleteI like to think he found her and they laughed as they cooked more pasta together!
Ah Sarah, difficult to tell if it will be a happy or sad ending...and that's a good thing in writing! Also, really liked the pacing and how the story develops from thought to action.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are joining in the 5sentencefiction challenges :)) They are creative challenges and I think they really help all of us to improve our writing by tightening up sentences.
There is one suggestion I will make to you (hope that's okay) and that is to look at a couple of your sentences and see if perhaps one of them would be stronger if you set up in the opposite way. This would put the most powerful image at the end rather than the beginning. Just a thought.
So glad to be connected on twitter and through our blogs! Well done!
In these few short sentences, you drew me in and made me care about these characters. I ended the piece hoping he finds her just down the road running late, but okay.
ReplyDeleteLoved the fog's 'smothering embrace'...and the fact that he's jittery, just not sure where she is...
ReplyDeleteLove, hope, desire and uncertainty. All in five sweet sentences. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteLate to the party, but just wanted to say: *heart* this. fin.
ReplyDeleteIt's just an everyday scene but somehow it's loaded with impending drama. Nice one.
ReplyDeleteThere is a hint of sadness... and a feeling that something ominous may be lurking... I hope I'm wrong and that it ends well for him.
ReplyDeleteI really like the mystery in your sentences! Well done :)
ReplyDelete