You would have thought that now I have been widowed for over 2 years I have experienced most of the firsts, first birthday on my own, first Christmas and such like, all the usual anniversaries.
I have even been to a couple of funerals since Andrew’s and managed to get through them in one piece but today was something different.
I went to a wedding, not the first wedding I’ve ever been to without Andrew, not everyone organised their wedding to fit in with his shift patterns. But this was the first wedding I have been to since his funeral.
It was as you expect totally beautiful, the bride looked radiant and the groom smiled at her completely in love. They must have kissed three times when the vicar said they could - such magical moments!
It’s OK to cry at weddings isn’t it?
Good, because I did get a little teary.
Weddings do that to some people, they get carried away by the emotions.
But this is the first time I’ve heard those vows read aloud (well apart from the Royal Wedding on TV or in films).
for better or worse
for richer or poorer
‘til death do us part
GULP – that last one is the emotional hurdle. You never expect it to happen, well not when you are still young enough to have your own hair and teeth.
So I started filling up and my friend beside me squeezed my arm knowingly.
Weddings always bring it back to me just how important the vows are that I once made. I hope they do that to us all who are married re-affirming the way we feel.
I always longingly look at the dress, the flowers, compare the music choices with our own, the new designs for wedding stationary are particularly creative.
If I had the chance again how might I do things differently?
My pondering has taken a strange twist because now there is a faint possibility that I could get married again – OK so it might be a chance as slim as a super model but I can once again look at a wedding through different eyes.
There is a collection of ideas already growing in some dark corner of my brain – I am forever the little girl planning her fairytale.
But I shall never forget the first one and the myriad of precious moments I have gathered in my heart like confetti.
For today’s happy couple I wish them a long and wonderful life together, they have waited so long for this and deserve it. Whatever ups and downs come their way I pray they will always remember their very special day shared with friends and family and filled to the brim with so much love.
Maybe, one day, if I ever get married again they can sit at my wedding remembering their vows when I make mine…