I’ve heard it said that grief comes in waves; well for some unknown reason another one has washed over me today.
Is it the January weather that is making me feel so low? An envy of couples holding hands that leaves me empty? Or perhaps the dread of the next birthday on the near horizon?
To be truthful this malaise is a mixture of all the above reasons and many more. I could list them but it’s not very helpful or productive. Far better to count my blessings.
Today has actually been a good day.
I woke next to a peaceful, beautiful child (yes - youngest son is still up to his night time wanderings and I confess I love him there beside me). Oldest son got up this morning without the usual nagging – it was the lure of the Australian Open Tennis on TV. Tuesday is my day in the church shop and I created the most gorgeous red, orange, brown and pink window display!
But still I deeply miss that other person who should be here giving an extra dimension and fourth perspective to our family life.
I have a smiley picture of Andrew beside my laptop but he was generally more of a pessimist than an optimist. He was a big fan of grumpy old Eeyore.
One year I bought him “Eeyore’s little book of Gloom”. Under the title it says “Read this book – then you’ll be sorry…”
“There’s an invitation for you.”
“Ah!” said Eeyore, “A mistake no doubt but still I shall come.
Only don’t blame me if it rains.”
Eeyore is a defeatist letting the waves crash around him, wallowing in self-pity. Friends like Eeyore are not always the best people to surround yourself with.
So I was overjoyed when I found, in the church shop, a book from the same series entitled “Winnie-the-Pooh’s little book of Wisdom”.
Brush the honey off your nose, spruce yourself up so as to look Ready for Anything.”
There are lots of other good quotes and I may have to use them another day. It’s definitely a more inspiring and positive book than Eeyore’s. Great for keeping the waves of sadness in proportion.
Now I’ve noticed there’s a third book in the collection “Tigger’s little book of Bounce.”
If anyone spots a copy I know someone who would like a bit of bounciness for her birthday. Then hopefully I can jump the next lot of waves that come my way or at least have a really good try!